Jay Leno is a douche. Why do people watch his program? Talk shows are boring yet there are so many assholes with their own shows which are all the same and consist of a tragic 20 minute stand-up performance and 40 minutes of bullshit trivial stories by celebrities. As if broadcasting Leno's night show on Serbian channels isn't enough, they introduced a home-made Serbian talk show. The stand-up of this guy consists of telling jokes from a children's book of jokes, no really I'm serious I read those books when I was little I recognise the content from it. He tells a joke and starts laughing while no one else does, he has to perform hand gestures and force himself to laugh so he could get the point across that he finished his clowning so 10 people from the crowd clap their hands.
I watched several episodes of the tonight show with Jay Leno, all of them with a straight face, thinking about how I'd like to crack his jaw. His comedy is unoriginal, stale, repetitious, characterless and boring. Here are 3 reasons why his stand-up entertainment is dumb:
2. He fucking repeats his jokes. Most of his performance is based on gossips and news stories he finds about celebrities which is one of the reason he sucks so much, then the next night he pulls out the same story from yesterday and put it in a different context. How funny it doesn't matter if I already heard it or something similar to it. He finds stupid shit like "Lindsay Lohan on rehab" and spews out something like "O WOW IS THAT RLY NEW??!" then he either mumbles the joke to himself several times and makes stupid expressions while the morons who are in the studio laugh or he puts his hands in pockets and repeat the same thing in a different tone. You had me rolling on floor laughing my ass off when you mentioned Lindsay Lohan/Paris Hilton for the 49th time in the span of 30 minutes Leno!
3. His video clips which are part of the jokes are lame just as the gags are. The aim of video inserts is to fully present the joke you are telling. To get the point across. I'd rather see the body language on a comedian, if done properly it gives the joke a big boost and holds your attention longer, it's more interesting. Now since Leno only stands there rubbing his hands together and ocasionally holds them in his pockets he probably uses these videos to compensate for the lack of visual communication and his bland taste in jokes. I said probably because I didn't see that happen. What he does is take clips from movies, television shows or advertisements and put them in the context of his joke. How totally creative and clever of him to use existing scenes as a part of his hilarious style. Before they show the video he would say something along the lines of "tis 2 political candidates in a politicale debate here take a look" and when they play the video on a big screen you witness two black women in a cat fight. "LOL I never found that scene funny when I saw it for the first time but now that Jay Leno said those are two people that don't like each other and put it in as a part of his HILARIOUS speech I laugh every time I recall it!". I saw an episode where he edited a video and put himself in it and then asked Harry Potter something. It's doesn't matter if he polished it, he still took something filmed and mixed it with his act. HOW COOL IS THAT HUH I NEVER SAW IT COMING HES A GENIUS. In another edition of his show he presented the worst haircuts on tv or something similar which involved stupid hair styles, and people were laughing out loud, and I mean LOUD, at each and every one of his examples. Now if you are lying on your couch, eating some chips, watching tv and you stumble upon a funny hair you'll probably chuckle but I'm damn sure you won't spit out your drink, throw the chips all over your room and rip the couch apart. But when JAY LENO says they are FUNNY HAIRCUTS morons burst out laughing.
the crowd attending his show probably consists of:
1. fat people. They are always insecure and a have really warped sense of humor meaning that they appeal to the cheesiest of jokes. They probably come in groups, about 3-4 fat girls in their 20s with obnoxious laughs that remind me of a pig getting axed by a lumberjack. They usually bring some fries, couple of cheeseburgers, chicken medalions, bags of candy bars, orange juice bottles, because you never know, they might get hungry during the 1h show. Jay Leno is a perfect waste of time for them.
2. old people. They have nothing else to do, they find his political and news oriented jokes funny and they go to his show so they can chat about their old friends about last night or brag to people they don't like how they appeared on tv, saw Jay Leno and laughed at his jokes. LIVE.
3. whipped men. They are dragged by the feminist vegetarian pseudo-intellectual bitchy teenagers or middle-aged women to see this catastrophe. Teens are easily swayed into anything that is popular so it's natural they love Jay's disaster of a show. Leno said that if your index finger is longer than your middle one you are gay, a joke I remember from my age 12, and one dumbass look at his hand. Stupid.
the crowd consists of morons. There was a woman on the talk show who said she just turned 60 and they started clapping. What, she managed to live like other human beings do? What a skill she has to function normally and get older I don't believe it. Why would you clap at irrelevant bullshit like this? Then some animal lover brought a baby wild cat and Leno gave him something to eat, guess what, they gave him a round of applause. Why didn't they offer a 10 minute standing ovation? Make a banner with his name written in gold? Why don't they make the wave and shout his name repeateadly to give him the respect and gratification he deserves for feeding an animal?
the 60 year old women I mentioned told Jay about a new game she and her husband made up. It's called, get this, shoe golf. The point is to untie your laces and spring your foot wear through a vertical hoop. I'm sure people would have much fun launching their shoes around their house in order to get them through a circle. What's the point? You stand there like a moron AIMING to get it right and have two outcomes. Oh the suspense, the thrill and the joy of the mighty shoe golf. If I was a fan of talk shows and attended one and it turns out I payed to see some genius catapult her tennis shoes over a studio I'd breathe fire at the crowd, punch the manager and take twice the amount of money I gave.
don't watch this douchebag's show, do something productive instead. Sit in front of your computer arranging the desktop for example.
now since I've been watching television more than usual for the past two weeks I'll fill you in on some more useless crap I saw.
CSI: Miami. What a load of bullshit. It's about a group of forensic scientists serving the Miami police department. They investigate enigmatic cases of death and rape in order to determine the perpetrator his/her reasons. What I hate about this show is that these people can basicaly, with a crumb of bread, discover things such as: who bought that bread, where was it purchased, how much did it cost, why did the person buy a bread in the first place, who did he/she had sex with in the past 4 years, blood type of the person, family issues, favourite snack, genre of music, movie and brand, childhood idol and his gay fantasies. I used to think of this as cool back when I was 11 years old. I mean what's the point of watching this? You know they will solve their case and find a balance for everything. Why would you watch this if you already know how it's going to end?
Ghost Whisperer. With Jennifer Love Hewitt. It's about a woman with an unexplained gift of communicating with the dead and her task of taking spirits to the other side, the light, heaven. It's so stupid. How did she got the gift? From her mother. How did she get it? From her mother. How the hell did the mother of mothers got that gift? I don't know. How would you explain something like this and not make a your show ridicilous? Better leave it in the dark and make your show as absurd as you can. Again, the show isn't dynamic, the scenario for every episode is the same, a ghost knocks on her door and she gets shocked but later on meets the lost spirit and learns of his misfortune then helps him talk to the living and cross over to the other side. Boring. You know it will finish with the ghost and a human talking sweet to each other. Some character may die in the future but that one will be replaced by another one and a single death in the whole season is not worth watching. And the only good thing about the whole show, ghosts, are presented as pussies who need help from Jennifer Love Hewitt to move on instead of haunting people and fucking up your appliances.
Smallvile. The life and adventures of a guy who is invulnerable, has super speed and strength, super vision, heat vision, super hearing and super breath and SOMEHOW STILL manages to beat up ordinary thugs mixed with stupid teenage love drama elements where he constantly switches between two girls and JUST CAN'T DECIDE, while discovering his origin, his enemies etc etc. It's boring. Stick to the cartoon where he is already Superman.