Really bad, hope it gets better soon
Really bad, hope it gets better soon
whats up bro
Being out here in Germany is different. i'm constantly not working at work. we set up a system where my co-workers use to do their important real world work. i'm just the IT guy who does nothing.
the army is good and bad in some aspects. the camaraderie is great, a constant sense that someone cares is there. first, you feel kinda stupid and like a kid. in the army, you have a system that reminds you when to do your check ups, like dental or other health. everyone is constantly checking up on you to see if you're doing fine mentally and if your living quarters are in standards as well.
you can literally walk into another soldiers room and as to hang out, even if you don't know them. with soldiers, if you find another soldier, you always have a friend.
you could be going to a baseball game, at a museum, or even waiting in line; but when you find another soldier, it's like talking with a friend. you may not know that person, but at least you know you can talk with them about stuff. It's like "hey! you're a soldier!? me too!! let's chat! :D"
but wit civilians, you can't really do that. they look at you weirdly... wondering if you're a Jeffrey Dahmer.
Anyway, because I am a soldier, my mission is to take care of my fellow soldiers. actually, my mission, due to my specialization of my MOS, is to keep my company's system operational and healthy so that the clients can produce their products.
my company is working 6 days a week. 12 hours a day. there is little personal time to do anything. so i usually hang out for a bit with friends and play pokemon whenever I can.
family... i decided to exclude them from my life because of some serious shit.
i met a german guy that i like. he seems pretty cool and he's handsome as fuck too. he's totally in love with my cock too. rock his world OUT!! but i'm not certain that i'll stay with him. i don't want to get married... and the reason for that is, because I was abused as a child. and i'm afraid that if i establish a relationship, marriage will follow, and then a protege. So, statistically speaking, i'll probably beat my child too.
i don't want that to ever happen. i don't want anyone to experience that. even my own hypothetical children.
loneliness. even though i can talk with anyone about anything. i don't feel right talking with them. i'm a gay guatemalan and wiccan, who was abused growing up. so yep, as pubescent as it sounds, i don't think my peers could understand me... or anyone for that matter.
being gay in the military, rather army, in my experience, it IS difficult. many of the men think that i'm secretly trying to sleep with them. there is about 3 that i would like to, but they are waaaay better out in germany.
I wouldn't say much about my life at the moment besides having weird symptoms from my medicine I've been taking and my constant nosebleeds. Other than that, everything's been ok. My nose right now is irritated from this weird ass plant in our house with its scent spreading all throughout the first floor of the house.
There's a lot of nice things happening - everything should be okay in my life, but somehow it's not.
One of the best parts of getting better looking (and I mean this in the most heterosexual way possible) is that gay guys keep blatantly hitting on me whenever I go out. My friends have had to save me many a time whilst a homosexual man has been obviously flirting with me and I've been completely oblivious to it. I know a lot of my friends would be creeped the fuck out but honestly it feels flattering!
gay men are the most judgemental. if a gay man finds you attractive, it then becomes a fact and no longer something suggestive.
pretty much it's official, you're an attractive man and women who are being unreceptive are playing the game.
7/10. my lifes decent. im doing mediocre in academics for certain reasons that were out of my control and also partially because im lazy as fuck but if i play my cards right i should be alright next semester. socially ive become sort of a hermit, hanging around with a close knit group playing a lot of poker and smoking a lot of pot but im taking steps to change that next year. apart from that, i have lucrative internship offer in the bay next summer so i got that going for me, which is nice.