Quote Originally Posted by The Chat Room Conversation That Led to All of This
[23:15] Mr Und3rstood: oh my god
[23:15] Mr Und3rstood: my friends are amazing
[23:15] Mr Und3rstood: i'm actually crying over here
[23:16] Mr Und3rstood: so let me break this down for those of us in here
[23:16] Mr Und3rstood: i love this girl
[23:16] Mr Und3rstood: the one i actually had post on PD
[23:16] Mr Und3rstood: i loved her enought to tell her i post on a pokemon site in the first place -.-
[23:16] Mr Und3rstood: anyways
[23:16] Mr Und3rstood: things happen
[23:16] stfu you veggie: gay peiole syck
[23:16] stfu you veggie: people*
[23:16] stfu you veggie: GR
[23:16] TdH The0wnage0ne: Might have to fill me in o that girl
[23:16] Mr Und3rstood: we fall in love
[23:16] Mr Und3rstood: she has a boyfriend
[23:16] Mr Und3rstood: she ended up not breaking up with him
[23:16] Mr Und3rstood: choosing him ,in essence
[23:16] Mr Und3rstood: this is where cynics say 'she didn't love you lolol'
[23:16] Mr Und3rstood: she does
[23:16] Mr Und3rstood: she did
[23:17] stfu you veggie: dear diary
[23:17] Mr Und3rstood: she always will, just as I always love her
[23:17] stfu you veggie: EMOTIONAL
[23:17] Mr Und3rstood: we can' talk
[23:17] stfu you veggie: DISPUTE
[23:17] Mr Und3rstood: her boyfriends aid if we do, he tells her father i kissed her while they were in a relationship
[23:17] Mr Und3rstood: he's a prick, he's a bitch
[23:17] Mr Und3rstood: but if daddy hates me, there's *nothing* you can do
[23:17] Mr Und3rstood: so we haven't really talked much
[23:17] stfu you veggie: my daddy hates this one guy
[23:17] Mr Und3rstood: anyways
[23:17] Mr Und3rstood: i've been depressed and emotional
[23:17] Mr Und3rstood: for about 2 weeks now
[23:18] Mr Und3rstood: you may hav noticed the random lyrical posts
[23:18] stfu you veggie: so i cant do him!
[23:18] Mr Und3rstood: my friends just wrote an email to this girl
[23:18] Mr Und3rstood: and it made me cry
[23:18] Mr Und3rstood: they're so amazing
[23:18] Mr Und3rstood: you could only wish to understand the hope these two have given me
[23:18] Mr Und3rstood: and that's what i need
[23:18] BlueEspeon: that's sweet of them
[23:18] Mr Und3rstood: beyond sweet
[23:18] Mr Und3rstood: just read it, and try to feel the emotions they felt
[23:19] Mr Und3rstood: understand that this all comes from some deep hurt of the heart that's been healed
[23:19] Mr Und3rstood: and that it's the sweetest feeling they've ever felt
[23:19] Mr Und3rstood: they're together now, because i more or less forced it =P
[23:19] Mr Und3rstood: she was dating a boy
[23:19] Mr Und3rstood: and i told her she loved the other guy
[23:19] Mr Und3rstood: to lose him
[23:19] Mr Und3rstood: be happy
[23:19] Mr Und3rstood: and damn the consequences
[23:19] Mr Und3rstood: so she did
[23:19] Mr Und3rstood: and they'r dating
[23:19] Mr Und3rstood: and they're so happy
[23:19] stfu you veggie: argg
[23:19] stfu you veggie: we get it!!
[23:19] Mr Und3rstood: i'll post the letters
[23:19] Mr Und3rstood: i expect cyncial responses
[23:20] Mr Und3rstood: and really i could care less
[23:20] BlueEspeon: impatient much, kelsh?
[23:20] Mr Und3rstood: but those of you with a heart should understand
And the said letters.

Quote Originally Posted by Chris Kraft
(My mindless cluster of thoughts)

Hey, I have no idea where to begin with this. But please read this as the kind and loving person I know you must be. I've never met you before, but it really doesn't matter in the slightest. I'm a very confused and emotionaly unstable kid. when I was in sixth grade (I'm now in 9th) I met a girl named Kinsey, and I couldn't possibly tell you why - but saying, thinking, or typing her name makes me so nervous and happy I get a little lost in what I'm thinking about.

Needless to say I am completely in love with this girl, but in sixth grade I was entirely unable to tell her this. She also happened to be in love with me, but because I was at that time unable to understand for some reason that other people could actually have emotions as deep as mine, I didn't tell her.

We would have talks online till four in the morning where she would get emotional enough that she would tell me how much she cared about me.

Those were the happiest moments of my entire life.

I would have these online discussions with the girl I love for about 2 years. where I would time and time again randomly stop and start talking to her with months between. (because I was a heartless asshole who I'm quite sure wasn't able to see people as anything but humans who would react to everything socialy with nothing in mind but their own happiness and contentment)

I also never in this time told her how much she meant to me, she told me she loved me, and I told her nothing.

I then moved over an hour away from the most important thing in my life, and still tried to talk to her whenever I was able to bring myself to it knowing that I had broken her heart time and time again.

I continued to isolate myself in this place and reacted to everything how I thought the world reacted to everything, I was lifeless and it was as if I had no soul or emotions. One day though, I had started thinking about her again and began to slowly see what I had done my entire life and how badly I wanted to change it.

So I thought about everything I wanted to say to her and told her I loved her and how incredibly sorry I was for everything I had done.

She told me she still loved me and I thought I would be truly happy for the first time in my life, she had apparently gotten a boyfriend but told me he wasn't as important as I was and that she didn't have feelings for him like she did for me.

We arranged to see eachother for the first time in a two years, and without my ever being intimate in the least with anyone in my entire life I was frightened and afraid.

She broke up with her boyfriend and I asked her if she wanted to go out with me in the geekiest and lamest way anyone possibly could, she said she did, and I though I didn't care if we were going out or not, I knew she still cared about me and that was all I needed.

The very day after this she told me that she couldn't go out with me because she couldn't hurt her boyfriend who had been there for her while I was not. After my emotional out-coming I now wanted nothing more than to be emotionless and cold like I once was.

I didn't talk to her after then for a couple of weeks which I spent feeling sorry for myself and pushing away anyone who noticed I was in pain.

I wanted to see people I cared about so I went to the the place where two of my best (hardly "closest" because I was unable to become close to anyone) friends lived.

These friends were Josh and Eli Dalton, I had known them since the 5th grade and it was easy to get lost staying over there. I had noticed Eli was in a state of confusion and depression that seemed similar to my own.

Around 11:00 or so Eli came up from his room and we started some idle chit chat. Suddenly, like some freak magician Eli asked me if I had told Kinsey how I felt about her. I still have no idea how he possibly could have known that, but I told him I had, and after hearing my story he told me all about you and I was so happy there was another person having something so similar happend to him. But what made me far happier than this was that Eli had decided to talk to Kinsey for me, and me and her talked for hours.

Eli is very charismatic and obviously is very comfortable and is much better at having emotional disscusions with the people he cares about.

Kinsey and myself are now, somehow, in a relationship.

This is the happiest I have ever been and it is nearly all because of Eli. He cares about you so much, he would die for you even if you never knew the reason he had givin his life. He leaves you alone with no signs of his emotions because he loves you so much. I want him to be as happy as I am, because he is the second person I have ever had an honest conversation with and he is now one of my closest friends.

Please let go of your ties with this other guy, because I know that it can't be the same as the way you feel about Eli. I want an idealistic world and you are a part of it. If you love Eli, please tell him. He needs to know and I need him to know.




My name is Chris Kraft, and it's so nice to finally get a chance to talk to you, I've asked Kinsey to write you a message as well because I am terrible with words and am entirely troubled unlike her.

This makes you the 3rd person I've ever honestly talked to. Please let Eli know exactly how you feel, and don't be afraid of anything, he will never hurt you.
Quote Originally Posted by Kinsey
hey, i know that you don't exactly know me
but i am a friend of Eli's.
my boyfriend Chris and i just really wanted to talk to you about something.
Eli didn't put us up to this, promise [:
we just wanted to make him as happy
as he's made us.


please, please read through this.


well
i'm not exactly sure how to start.
i have so many things that i want to say, and share with you
of what Eli has done for us
and how amazing of a guy he really truly is

he cares for you soo much, Danielle
it's unbelievable

and i'm absolutely speechless
when ever he talks with me about you
he speaks in beautiful poem when he speaks of you
he really is
truly in love with you.


i don't mean to be all up in your business, or anyone elses
but i believe that i was in a situation similiar to yours
and maybe we can relate.

i had a boyfriend
Taylor
for about 4 months
then Chris came and told me that he loved me
and always did
i had known him for about 3 years
and i had always always loved him as well.
but i had just came to a decision
that he didn't feel the same way
and never would
so i gave up,
and went out with this guy, Taylor
that i really had no feelings for in the first place
he was just a really great boyfriend
but that was pretty much it.
well anyways, when Chris came and told me this
i got soo confused
and worried
and i felt sick

i had no earthly idea what to do
i loved Chris
but that meant that i would hurt Taylor in the process.
and i would never want to do that.
but if i decided to stay with Taylor
i would hurt Chris
and i would never ever want that
i loved him so much.

well. i came to a decision, and broke up with Taylor
i decided that it totally wasn't fair to him
that i liked someone else, at the same time
well that was my excuse, anyways
hah
and i just
didn't have the same feelings that i did for Chris
they weren't even close
so then i went out with Chris
for um, one day actually
but then

i went back to Taylor

i just felt so sorry for him.
he hated his life.
so i hated myself for doing this to him
and i blaimed myself for everything
and for that one reason,
that one reason alone,
i went back to him.

i know it was an awful mistake now

because i ended up breaking up with Taylor again
about a week ago, actually
and it really did make everything a whole lot worse between us

but it made everything else in the world wonderful
Chris and i are as happy as ever.


and i don't even know if this applies to you at all,
but from what Eli has told me
and what Chris has told me

you and Eli's situation was a bit like this



Eli is so terribly confused
so depressed
he doesn't even know what to think
with out you there with him

he just needs to simply talk with you

it just bugs him
and he feels like you're ignoring him
and that you don't want to talk with him anymore.



he believes very much
that he is not the one that will make you happy
that he is not the one that you want
he has told himself this
and he has told everyone this
over
and over again

he said
that you told him that he loved you.
and he really
really
believed you.


i'm really truly not trying to make you feel bad
or feel pity for him.

i've had many people come to me with stuff like this
"how can hurt Taylor like this? he never ever did anything to youu. ever. you bitch."
and this was all the time.
i hated it.
and i'm so so sorry if i'm putting you in the same position :/
but i just believe that you deserve to know
exactly how he feels about you.
you neeed to know.


i'm going to show you some conversations that he had with me
and some that he had with some other girl.
i know this isn't really fair to Eli,
but every word that he says
really does show his love and compassion for you.

so i felt that you should read them.




[22:31] Mr Und3rstood: she made me so happy.. i've never been that happy
[22:31] Mr Und3rstood: i've never been so carefree
[22:31] Mr Und3rstood: she made me the person i am
[22:31] Mr Und3rstood: 'the company you keep'
[22:31] Mr Und3rstood: she made me realize it's ok to be fun and free
[22:31] Mr Und3rstood: to be random and exciting
[22:32] Mr Und3rstood: and because of her
[22:32] Mr Und3rstood: i became those
[22:32] Mr Und3rstood: and now that i'm happy with me
[22:32] Mr Und3rstood: i'm alone and miserable
[22:32] Mr Und3rstood: because the only reason i have for being happy
[22:32] Mr Und3rstood: was taken from me
[22:32] Mr Und3rstood: and im left with just myself
[22:32] Mr Und3rstood: which makes me feel so unloved, so alone- it makes me feel so useless and hated



[22:23] Mr Und3rstood: why aren't i worth it
[22:24] Mr Und3rstood: why can't i just be good enough



[22:22] Mr Und3rstood: i can't stand her hating me i cant stand this



[22:20] Mr Und3rstood: if she talked to me, even told me anything different
[22:20] Mr Und3rstood: i might believe it
[22:20] Mr Und3rstood: but she doesn't even think about me anymore
[22:20] Mr Und3rstood: doesn't talk about me
[22:20] Mr Und3rstood: i still tell people about how i met the girl of my dreams
[22:21] Mr Und3rstood: how her eyes said i love you before her lips
[22:21] Mr Und3rstood: and how my heart said i love you before i knew.
[22:21] Mr Und3rstood: and now she doesn't care.. she just let me go
[22:21] Mr Und3rstood: i want to die.


[22:26] Mr Und3rstood: whether or not i am the one, im not the one
[22:27] Mr Und3rstood: it isn't going to change the fact she didn't choose me- that i'm not the one she chose to love
[22:27] Mr Und3rstood: i love her
[22:27] Mr Und3rstood: so much
[22:27] Mr Und3rstood: with all of my heart
[22:27] Mr Und3rstood: i see things
[22:27] Mr Und3rstood: and i go
[22:27] Mr Und3rstood: 'that'd be awesome to get her'
[22:27] Mr Und3rstood: even if it's just like a rose seed
[22:27] Mr Und3rstood: so we could plant it together
[22:27] Mr Und3rstood: and take care of it
[22:27] Mr Und3rstood: and watch it grow, like we would grow togethe
[22:28] Mr Und3rstood: or maybe a bag of skittles or whatever
[22:28] Mr Und3rstood: and throw them at each other and laugh
[22:28] Mr Und3rstood: she's all i've ever wanted
[22:28] Mr Und3rstood: and i watched her get taken away from me
[22:28] Mr Und3rstood: and now all i do is hurt
[22:28] Mr Und3rstood: no matter what
[22:28] Mr Und3rstood: even when i feel amazing
[22:29] Mr Und3rstood: in the back of my mind, the insescapable fact that she doesn't love me rings in my head; rings through my soul like a call to the dead
[22:29] Mr Und3rstood: she loved me back
[22:29] Mr Und3rstood: loved.
[22:29] Mr Und3rstood: and now im alone




[22:29] tess likexwhoa: because of the asshole mother fucker.
[22:29] Mr Und3rstood: he isn't an asshole
[22:30] Mr Und3rstood: he isn't a mother fucker
[22:30] Mr Und3rstood: she picks him to love
[22:30] Mr Und3rstood: for a reason
[22:30] Mr Und3rstood: because he hsa something good in him that we can't see
[22:30] Mr Und3rstood: and she can
[22:30] Mr Und3rstood: and it's more than me
[22:30] Mr Und3rstood: she wants what he has to offer
[22:30] Mr Und3rstood: and not me
[22:30] Mr Und3rstood: and i wish i could just accept it
[22:30] Mr Und3rstood: i wish her well- i really do
[22:30] Mr Und3rstood: all i want is for her to behappy
[22:30] Mr Und3rstood: i just hate that i want to be happy too



they're talking about your boyfriend, by the way
and this really really shows
how much he cares for you
and how much he loves you.
i mean, he's willing to stand up for someone
a guy, who the love of his life,
is dating.
that takes a lot of love
and a lot of passion.

you don't find guys like this every day.
you really don't.

he is absolutely amazing.

and i just want you to think about all of this

i know that this may be overwhelming

and i'm not trying to change your mind

i just want you to think


my ex boyfriend actually told me this, when i told him that i loved Chris

"What does your heart tell you?"

it may not seem like much
and it may seem cheesy,

but this question

made me think more than anything

and it helped me.. so much
that it's not even funny.

it's just funny because he thought my answer was going to be 'Taylor'
hm

well
mhm, i just ask you
please
think over everything.

Chris and i really do care for Eli
and we want him to be happy
as happy as us
as happy as he's made us

he told me,
"make Chris happy. make me happy through him."

"be happy. never frown again. smile in his arms, and enjoy life.
you both deserve it."

he was there for me.
and i knowww
that if it werent for him,
that i would still be going out with that other guy
a guy that i didn't even like one bit.

so i just felt,
maybe if you had someone there for you
like Eli was there for me
then it may make everything better
for you,
and for him

you both deserve it.

and i mean that from the bottom of my heart.


he deserves your love

and you deserve his.

you both deserve eachother.

you really, truly do.
I lose all persona, all sense of 'I give a fuck' right here.

I love these two kids. They made me cry with this.

Those of you who understand what it's about, let me know what you think.


-Eli.