Qoorl's Big Workplace Storytime

**Qoorl** · 03-09-2009, 09:12 AM

Allright, so a few people have asked about my job. "Qoorl, what do you do?" "Qoorl, do you ever get a little T&A for the TA?" "Qoorl do you drink on the job?" etc.... so I'm here to pass along a few of my educator tales as well as well as answer whatever questions you field. Of course due to contractual obligations the names will be changed to protect the er... innocent.

We'll talk about ElleJae first... he probably provides some of the best stories in the shortest amount of time. He just came here this year, a Katrina transplant... to be specific, he just came her this year from a mental institution and he's been back there on and off again. Well.. Ellejae is a pudgy little black guy with a very effeminate voice and loooooooong fingernails. Here's a few snippits of dialogue from our favorite straight jacket jocky.

ElleJae: We always pick up all the stray animals in our neighborhood. We have about 200 hundred animals in our house right now. We have some dogs and some cats and an elephant.

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ElleJae: I can't wait till I get home. Kiikii and I will take a bath. (Kiikii is his dog)

BobtheStraightman: YOU take a bath with your DOG?!

ElleJae: Tsk, NO! My KiiKii is much to precious to take a bath in a regular tub, she has her own special little dog tub.

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ElleJae: I can't wait till I get home. KiiKii and I will talk on our cell phones.

BobtheStraightman: How does your DOG talk on a cellphone?

ElleJae: duh, she uses the little claws on the end of her paws and she presses the buttons with them, and then she barks into the phone. That's how she talks to all her little dog friends.

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ElleJae: I HATE Spanish. When I was in New Orleans I had a Spanish class, and the first day of school I walked in the door and she said 'Lemor you have to write a thirteen page paper and it has to be written in Spanish, and English and Japanese and Paris' and I said 'Woman, I can't do that, I don't know Japanese or Paris!" and she said 'You have three choices, either you can write that paper, or you can quit school, or I can beat you up' and I said 'I'm not writing nothing in no Paris or Japanese or Spanish and you just try and touch me woman and see what I do' and she tried to hit me but she missed and fell down and I stomped on her head.

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Whenever he gets upset he flips over all the desks. He draws pictures of families of girls, and sometimes calls himself Kristle. Once when the teacher I work with got him REALLy mad, he wrote on the white board 'You are the worst teacher I have ever had and I would be afraid if I was you that I would Murder you" and then he drew a stick man cutting the teacher in half with a chain saw, complete with blood splatter. He went away for a few days after that.

**Qoorl** · 03-09-2009, 09:31 AM

On an unrelated note, I just got some non PD related RP news that has left me seething with anger. Trying to decide if I'm petty enough to attempt to wreak bloody vengeance or not. I'd like to say that no I'm bigger than that... but as crappy as things have been going (Our water pump quit working last night so I had to walk through the fog and darkness at five o clock this morning to my parents house just to get a shower for starters) I'm feelin pretty much like that Alice Cooper song right about now...

**Keke Le Cat** · 03-09-2009, 10:31 AM

Wow.

**Mario The Black Knight** · 03-09-2009, 10:41 AM

Ha ha ha ha h ha hah ah ah a

Why couldn't I have had shit like that in my class? All we had were obnoxious socially incompetent nerds and wannabe gangsta kids that used to call me Superman

**Qoorl** · 03-09-2009, 11:02 AM

I've also got Cedric. Who isn't nearly as crazy as ElleJae is but he's good to have around. I've had him in my class for three years (he didn't quite move on to 7th last year) I have to arm wrestle him every day, have to match him in push ups everyday, and he's not too bright and he's not very big, but he's a strong little cuss. One of the 6th grade teachers always says I need to claim him as a dependent on my taxes. He has a bit of a speech problem and he has a bad habit of zoning out... staring off into space and drooling a little.

**ninja** · 03-09-2009, 11:06 AM

Dude has an elephant.
Best watch yo'self.

**Qoorl** · 03-09-2009, 11:11 AM

BobTheStraightMan transitioned out of our class, but he was a class act too. Also from New Orleans... his first day at school, he wanted to go to the bathroom and another kid says "Hold on a second, there's way to many people in there" so Bob broke the other kids nose.

NExt day we got his evaltuation papers from his old school, "Extreme Caution, very violent, possible acess to weapons" he moved down here to avoid being killed by a rival gang.

He calmed down a bit after a while and is a relatively functioning member of the student populous again.

**Mario The Black Knight** · 03-09-2009, 11:17 AM

Ha ha ha ha hh a, Cedric

I love these names

**Qoorl** · 03-09-2009, 11:25 AM

Stradivarius and Jemaar are very similar. Both are really skinny short little black guys. Stradivarius stayed in school though and Jemaar... didn't so much. I mean yes we still teach him but... he tried to strangle the principal several times, we have to call the police once or twice a week because he runs away and we aren't allowed to stop him... and he won't do anything. So... Another teacher and I have to drive to his house for an hour ever day and try to teach him as much as we can....

Stradivarius on the other hand can be very smart, and he can behave really well if he REALLY wants too.. he just has a ferocious temper and no attention span. He finally pushed the new EMD teacher over the limit...

Stradi wouldn't do any work, so the New Guy said okay, well I'll call your parents, and Stradi says 'go ahead i'll just tell everybody you're lying' well NewGuy goes over there kneels down beside him and puts his hand on Stradi's shoulder, "You are not going to call me a liar" well Stradivarius freaks out because he can be a worhtless little punk, and so he pushes this 60 something year old man down... they both fall over, behind the little divider, and BOOM, New EMD Guy has both of Stradivarius's arms pinned down, and Stradi is crying and kicking and screaming and begging and cussing and threatening, and that old guy just holds him there until the assistant principal comes... well, Stradivarius was out of the room being talked to for about...an hour before he was back in... No real punishment... cuz here's the thing. Our class is where kids get sent AFTER they get kicked out of Alternative school! Stradivarius got kicked out of Alternative after about two weeks... and Jemaar's psychotic little self was sent home the first day....

**Keke Le Cat** · 03-09-2009, 11:29 AM

I don't know how you do it, man.

**ninja** · 03-09-2009, 11:30 AM

I demand that you set up a hidden camera in your classroom.
The results will be the stuff of legend.

**God** · 03-09-2009, 11:49 AM

i wanna hear the stories about the junior high girls

**Solly** · 03-09-2009, 01:21 PM

she tried to hit me but she missed and fell down and I stomped on her head.

Hahahahaha.

**Keke Le Cat** · 03-09-2009, 01:37 PM

That guy would terrify me

**Qoorl** · 03-09-2009, 03:33 PM

Gotta go get some pizza... be back later y'all.

**Mario The Black Knight** · 03-09-2009, 03:36 PM

Stradivarius sounds like a greek god, like the greek god of basketball shoes or something

**Echolalia** · 03-09-2009, 04:51 PM

Nike?

**Mario The Black Knight** · 03-09-2009, 04:54 PM

Basketball shoes are named after Nike, not the other way around

**God** · 03-09-2009, 05:32 PM

Originally Posted by Qoorl

Gotta go get some pizza... be back later y'all.

with the junior high girls?

**Qoorl** · 03-09-2009, 06:02 PM

Well.. I'll give the lineup for the junior high girls since God's so interested...

There's about four tall skinny black girls... one nerdly lil black girl, one SUPER hefty black girl that gets on my nerves, one semisped girl I taught last year that everyone thinks is a lesbian, (Cedric claims he saw her kissing another girl in this class but he's not terribly reliable), a short bad tempered black girl that is the brother of James (He deserves his own post), two big boned white girl twins, a biyatchy wannabe goth who's more than a little slutty, and a little sporty blonde country girl.

Mostly they just eat and have food fights and then I drop em off at their class. I did break up one fight though which was fun.

Heh, funny story, before my momma was the secretary she was a kindergarten assistant. It was right after I graduated, one of those tall skinny black girls was in her class, and I showed up in shorts, and she started pettin my leg and saying "Ooh you furry!"

**Echolalia** · 03-09-2009, 06:38 PM

Originally Posted by Mario The Black Knight

Basketball shoes are named after Nike, not the other way around

I'm aware of that Mario, but I was just saying the general idea of a Greek god(dess) having its name related to basketball shoes was kinda already taken

**PokeMasterSean13** · 03-10-2009, 04:23 AM

Originally Posted by Qoorl

Well.. I'll give the lineup for the junior high girls since God's so interested...

There's about four tall skinny black girls... one nerdly lil black girl, one SUPER hefty black girl that gets on my nerves, one semisped girl I taught last year that everyone thinks is a lesbian, (Cedric claims he saw her kissing another girl in this class but he's not terribly reliable), a short bad tempered black girl that is the brother of James (He deserves his own post), two big boned white girl twins, a biyatchy wannabe goth who's more than a little slutty, and a little sporty blonde country girl.

Mostly they just eat and have food fights and then I drop em off at their class. I did break up one fight though which was fun.

Heh, funny story, before my momma was the secretary she was a kindergarten assistant. It was right after I graduated, one of those tall skinny black girls was in her class, and I showed up in shorts, and she started pettin my leg and saying "Ooh you furry!"

The goth and the blonde are like "slow" though right. And if so, how is a "slow" girl a slut. I mean isn't it illegal to fuck those things?

**God** · 03-10-2009, 07:13 AM

qoorl fucks who he wants, when he wants

**PokeMasterSean13** · 03-10-2009, 07:54 AM

I'm not even gonna go there. He could get fired like mad fast.

**Mario The Black Knight** · 03-10-2009, 09:06 AM

Originally Posted by Echolalia

I'm aware of that Mario, but I was just saying the general idea of a Greek god(dess) having its name related to basketball shoes was kinda already taken

Not at the time, I mean Nike is the greek goddess of Victory, Stradivarius would actually be the greek god who walked around in a pair of Air Force Ones making fun of everyone else wearing sandles, and who would be in charge of basketball shoes althoughout greese

Needless to say, Stradivarius was pissed when he heard they named the shoe company after Nike and not him

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