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Thread: The Pokemon adventure

  1. #1
    The Champion of Champions Champion ACE's Avatar
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    Default The Pokemon adventure

    Our journey begins on a gloomy day, as three friends began the endeavor of a life time, today is the day that Ace Can finally become a Pokémon trainer, his friends Hayden and Juan turned 10 three months ago but they all vowed to start their journey together.

    “Ace dear Juan and Hayden are here” Ace jumped up at the sound of his mother’s voice with the arrival of his birthdates he got a brand new outfit a brand new pair of shoes a new hat and a new pair of running shoes. “Guys are you all ready!” Juan and Hayden shook their heads happily Ace grabbed his backpack and went into the kitchen where is mother and his little sister Amira where seated. “Mom, dad I’m leaving on my journey today; I just want to let you guys know that I’ll miss you.” Ace’s mom stood up with a coin in her hand smiling her motherly smile, “OH ACE! You know I love you very much, and whether you win or lose I still love you.” Ace cracked a smile as his mother hugged him; he looked to the right as Juan looked at him with a grin and Hayden had a happy expression on her face. Ace’s dad stood up “Well soon I have nothing to say but make me more proud then I am right now!” Ace gave his dad a thumb up and turned to exit the house. “Uh ACE honey..You might want your Pokémon first” Hayden and Juan hit the ground and then rose back to their feet finally Hayden Spoke “With that kind of mindset you’ll never make it as a Pokémon Trainer” Ace stuck his tongue out and walked towards his mother who handed him 6 poke balls one was a great ball that held a Pokémon in it. Juan who was leaning on the threshold came forth. “Well I might as well be your first Pokémon battle, come on ace let’s battle em!”
    Everyone exited to the outside on the cloudy dark day, Juan held his poke ball up with a wide grin and his pearly whites showing, Ace held his poke ball with a look of utter confusion on his face. He didn’t know what Pokémon Juan had but he knew it was going to be tough. Hayden stepped up and explained the rules “This will be a one on one Pokémon battle between Sakiro City trainer Champion Ace and Sakiro City trainer Juan Morrison the battle will end when one of the Pokémon are unable to battle…GO!”
    Juan pulled his hand back and tossed out his poke ball. A small Purple Pokémon emerged from the poke ball; it had a large poison barb and long ears. “A Nidoran!” Ace yelled he didn’t know what was in his poke ball but he knew whatever was in the ball he was going to have a tough battle.

    “Poke ball GO!” the red and white ball landed on the road a bright white light emerged, soon a grown Pokémon with white chest fur and long ears appeared from the ball “ALRIGHT AN EEVEE!” ACE jumped for joy but this didn’t stop Juan from attacking, “Nidoran Poison sting attack!” Nidoran jumped into the air and fired little poison barbs from its horn, “EEVEE use sand attack to stop those barbs!” eevee turned around and began to kick sand on the barbs, they hit the dirt , Juan looked a bit surprised but it didn’t last long, “Alright Nidoran use your Scratch attack!” Nidoran rushed towards eevee and began to scratch it left and right with powerful claws, “eevee hang in there!” Hayden and the other’s looked on as they could see that Ace was thinking of a way to counter.

    “Eevee use your quick attack on the double!” eevee jumped out of the way of Nidoran last claw and then slammed into him with a powerful blow” Nidoran was down and struggling to get up, “eevee finish him off Tackle attack!” Juan yelled out to Nidoran “Nidoran use horn attack!” Eevee came in for the tackle while Nidoran was using horn attack, with his quick thinking Ace called out towards eevee “Jump eevee!” the little Pokémon jumped into the air and then landed behind Nidoran, “Ok eevee finish it QUICK ATTACK!!!” eevee dashed into the back of Nidoran knocking him out, Juan could be heard yelling get up but Nidoran had no fight left in it. Hayden stepped up and yelled “Nidoran is unable to battle the winner of the match is Champion Ace!” Ace jumped into the air and danced around, he then heard his mother say, “Everyone come inside I made dinner for this event”
    After eating and heading up route 301 Ace, Juan and Hayden came to a fork in the road they looked at the sign. “you are currently on route 301 take route 302 to cobble city take route 301 ex to Mt Epic” Ace Held up his hand and pointed towards route 302 towards Cobble city, while Hayden pointed towards Mount epic, and Juan decided to stay on 301 which would take him to the Civic Forest. “Well guys I guess this is goodbye” Hayden explained to him that it was See you later not goodbye, she hugged both Juan and Ace and headed towards Mt.Epic. Juan turned towards Ace and said to him.

    “Your first name may be champion but if we meet in the Pokémon league you’ll leave there as solely Ace...” and with that he headed towards the forest. Ace looked at the long road to cobble city and then he glanced down at his poke ball holding his companion eevee “Let’s do it” he said as he walked up the road, while doing so the sun parted the clouds, lighting the road and the day..

  2. #2
    The Champion of Champions Champion ACE's Avatar
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    The last time we saw our hero, he had just parted ways with his friends after beating Juan in a Pokémon battle, now we rejoin our hero on route 302 on his way to Cobblestone city and his first Pokémon gym battle.
    “Awh man I’m so hungry” Ace held onto his stomach as he entered the Tatum village Pokémon center. “Hello I’m Nurse Joy and this is my Pokémon partner Chansey, I can heal your Pokémon back to normal, and Ace took the ball containing his eevee and handed it to nurse joy who then took eevee to a room. She came back and told Ace it would take awhile and that he should join her for lunch. “So you’re a Pokémon Nurse sounds like tough work” Nurse Joy bit into her sandwich and then shook her head yes, the sound of the Nursing Machine went off as Ace’s eevee was healed. He stood up and grabbed his poke ball and then started out of the Pokémon center with Nurse Joy guiding him out, No soon then he stepped out he saw a huge crowd of men with all black on and huge red R’s on their chest. The men had back packs on and they were sucking up other people’s Pokémon.
    “HEY! YOU CAN’T DO THAT!’Nurse Joy protested but there was nothing she could do a man came up to him and tried to suck the poke balls from ace’
    s waist but ace took off running. He bumped into a girl, who had red hair; they both fell on ground as the rockets approached. “Now kid don’t you feel stupid...Hand over the Pokémon” The girl with the red hair stood up and removed a Poke ball from her waist “I choose you! Blastoise!” Ace looked in awe as the huge water Pokémon emerged from the poke ball. “Ok Blastoise this guy wants to steal you from me; if he wants you he has to prove he can handle you!” The rocket tossed out a poke ball and a electabuzz appeared, “Let’s see your Blastoise beat a thunder type” Ace watched as The two Pokémon battled, from the corner of his eye he saw a bright flash as another Rocket tossed out a Zubat. “I can’t let this double teaming go on much longer I CHOOSE YOU EEVEE!” Ace threw out his Poke ball and eevee emerged healthy and ready to battle.
    “Zubat Supersonic attack!” the bat Pokémon flapped it’s wings at a high speed and released a loud screeching noise, “eevee use your agility now!” eevee jumped from side to side at a high speed dodging the supersonic waves, “Alright Zubat Aerial ACE!” Zubat flew into the air and came down with a powerful attack that knocked eevee to the ground. “AH! Eevee can you still battle?” eevee shook its head yes and got back up. “Eevee use your swift attack!” eevee jumped back and with the wag of its tail eevee sent a powerful burst of stars at Zubat causing it to fall to the ground. “Now eevee use your tackle attack!’” eevee charged at Zubat and finished the job by knocking it back towards its trainer. “Gah Zubat! “ Ace turned around to see that the red headed trainer had defeated Electabuzz; she smiled at him and gave him thumbs up.
    Ace bent down to eevee “you did a good job buddy and you deserve a good rest return!” Ace stood up and walked to the trainer wielding the Blastoise “Hey nice battle kid” said with a high pitched voice. “Thanks that Blastoise looks really strong, my name is Champion ace” The girl laughed and then replied, “That’s a weird but fitting name my name is Giselle” Ace looked on in shock “Wait you’re the Giselle Champion of the elite four?” “Yes that’s me, I hope to see you one day Ace, Oh I just caught this Pokémon but I think you should be able to train it better than me here, it’s a Spinarak.” “WOW thanks Giselle!” She then turned around again holding a little red box “Now I have a favor to ask of you can you record every Pokémon you see? I’ll give you this pokedex; it automatically records every Pokémon you come across” Ace accepted the pokedex and vowed to help Giselle. “My friend Samuel Oak gave that pokedex to me but I think you’ll be able to finish it, if your ever in Pallet town in the Kanto region you should give him a shout.
    Giselle walked off towards Sakiro city, Ace waved goodbye and headed towards Cobble town yet again, and upon leaving the city he saw a familiar face. “Mom?” Ace ran towards his mother whom was holding a poke ball. “Oh HI dear I just came to challenge you to a Pokémon battle, I didn’t want to battle you in front of your friends but I did want to battle you” Ace looked around he couldn’t believe his own mother had challenged him to a Pokémon battle, he was going to decline her but finally he grabbed his poke ball and readied himself. “Ok honey know come at me with everything you got GO ABRA!”
    Ace looked down and decided to use Spinarak “I chose you Spinarak!” the day was coming to an end, and the cold and dry air was setting in. “Spinarak use your Poison sting attack!” Spinarak jumped into the air and released a barrage of Poison barbs at Abra, but Abra simply teleported. “Ok Abra use your Psywave” Abra let loose a wave of psychic waves that hit Spinarak dead on for a super effective hit however Spinarak wasn’t defeated yet. Thinking to himself [how can I beat a Pokémon that can teleport every time I attack] something inside Ace’s mind had clicked “Spinarak use mean look!” Spinarak showed its body to Abra, and Abra began to shiver in fear. “That’s a nice job Hun but we don’t need to retreat to win Abra Finish this use Psywave!” “Spinarak shoot your web onto that lamp post!” Abra’s wave missed Spinarak hitting a local bench. “Spinarak use your poison jab attack!” Spinarak punched Abra dead in the face with its poison Jab attack; however Spinarak was too close, so it couldn’t make a hasty retreat, “Finish him off Abra Psywave!!!” the wave hit Spinarak causing it to faint. “WHA I LOST TO MY OWN MOTHER!!!? Spinarak return… good job buddy” Ace looked highly disappointed but he received a hug from his mother and words of assurance.
    As Ace continued down Route 302 towards Cobblestone City he walked with the stink of Defeat but the soul of a champion.
    I'm trying to clean up like an edit

  3. #3
    Leafeon Erikson Leafeon_2008's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Champion ACE View Post

    “Ace dear, Juan and Hayden are here!” Ace jumped up at the sound of his mother’s voice with the arrival of his birthdates.
    Quote Originally Posted by Champion ACE View Post
    He got a brand new outfit a brand new pair of shoes a new hat and a new pair of running shoes.
    He got a brand new outfit, hat, and pair of running shoes.
    The sentence I showed you was shorter and to the point, rather than long.

    Quote Originally Posted by Champion ACE View Post
    “Guys, are you all ready!” Juan and Hayden shook their heads happily ./as/etc. Ace grabbed his backpack and went into the kitchen where is mother and his little sister Amira where seated.
    Quote Originally Posted by Champion ACE View Post

    “Mom, dad I’m leaving on my journey today; I just want to let you guys know that I’ll miss you.”

    Ace’s mom stood up with a coin in her hand smiling her motherly smile, “OH ACE! You know I love you very much, and whether you win or lose I still love you.” Ace cracked a smile as his mother hugged him; he looked to the right as Juan looked at him with a grin and Hayden had a happy expression on her face.

    Ace’s dad stood up “Well soon I have nothing to say but make me more proud then I am right now!” Ace gave his dad a thumb up and turned to exit the house.

    “Uh ACE honey..You might want your Pokémon first”
    I fixed a few mistakes, but just reread your work and be sure to put commas/periods/etc. where they should be. I saw some running sentences: put in commas/periods/etc. to make the sentence more organized & clean. Separate the paragraphs so it's easier to read: when the paragraphs are close together, it's hard to read. (for me, anyway )
    Also, start a new paragraph when a different character is speaking. My example:

    "Hi, Greg!" Melody said as her brother walked by.
    "What?" he asked.

    lol, I'm using my brother & me as an example XD.

    Anyway, I hoped I helped.
    Thanks, Ed!
    Paired with: poketrainer, Crusifox

  4. #4
    The Champion of Champions Champion ACE's Avatar
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    Last Time we saw Ace he had arrived in the small town of Tatum; where he helped the Elite four champion Giselle ward off team rocket now Ace continues his journey towards Cobblestone city..
    “Man there aren’t any Pokémon around here anywhere…” Ace looked around the barren land as it was seemingly too hot for a Pokémon to appear. Looking around he saw a small village, he could feel his stomach acting up again and, he knew he had to feed his Pokémon. Walking slowly through the town there wasn’t a soul in sight, Ace began hollering trying to find someone to talk to, and however his concentration was broken by a noise resonating from behind him. Ace quickly turned around to see a Beedrill, “AW right a Beedrill!”
    “Get away from that Beedrill son” Ace turned to look at the person whom seemingly came from nowhere. “That Beedrill isn’t right its heart has been closed! It’s a Shadow Pokémon!?”
    “A Shadow Pokémon?” Ace turned around, no sooner than he did the bug Pokémon charged him, Ace went to back up but fell backwards and landed in a barrel; the beedrill’s stingers had just narrowly missed him. The Pokémon had lost interest and flown off. Ace picked himself up from the barrel and dusted himself off. He turned to the old man that had apparently tried to help him and gave his thanks.

    “If I were you Boy I’d head straight into Cobblestone city…There is a rise in Shadow Pokémon and they are running havoc in this town.” He looked down at Ace and turned away, he then pointed to a huge white building with a gigantic satellite that blocked out the sunset.
    “As soon as that place appeared the Pokémon began to act crazy, my tauros injured my daughter… she’s in the hospital right now recovering. If you need a place you stay for the night your welcome to stay at my place.” Ace looked at the coming night and decided to take the man up on his offer.
    “Well now Ace it’s so nice to have you in for dinner tonight it’s been a long time since we had company.” Ace didn’t look up from his food, he was shoving it in his mouth so fast he didn’t hear what the lady had said.”Ace maybe your Pokémon would like something to eat as well?” Ace smiled and then reached on his belt and grabbed his poke balls.
    “Come on out Spinarak and eevee!” as the Pokémon emerged from their Poke balls, they quickly ran over to the plate that the nice old lady had placed on the floor for them. Shortly after there was a knock at the door, the old man walked over to the door and opened it soon a girl about 11 years old had pushed through the threshold and gave the man a huge hug.
    “Daddy! Mommy… the doctors said I’m going to be ok!” the parents were filled with joy, but they kept commenting on why She had walked through the town all by herself. While this was going on Ace had accidentally poured to much hot sauce on his rice; Ace’s face turned crimson red from the heat. “WAAHAAAATER!!!!!” Ace jumped up and drank the whole pitcher of Water.
    “Mom, dad who is that?” the girl said with a confused look on her face, pointing at Ace.
    “That’s Ace dear he is a young Pokémon trainer who we met today, he was attacked by a Shadow Pokémon as well. Ace this is our daughter Clara; she is a Pokémon trainer as well” Ace wiped his hands and went over to meet the trainer.
    “Hi it’s nice to meet you! These are my Pokémon eevee and Spinarak” Both eevee and Spinarak greeted Clara with a smile and then continued eating. Ace went back towards his Pokémon; he then bent down and began playing with them. “Your Pokémon seem to be happy you must be training them well” she said as Ace smiled and patted both eevee and Spinarak on the head.
    “Tomorrow I’m going to the Poke school you should come with me and learn some stuff” Ace jumped up in happiness shaking his head and agreeing to go.
    [next day]
    The sun rose up over the satellite, causing the Towns Dodrio to awaken; the bird hoisted its head back and let out a loud screech into a microphone which let the town know the sun had risen. Ace got up and yawned when he opened his Eyes he was met by the body of Spinarak, it startled him causing him to fall backwards and step of eevee’s tail.
    “OW…eevee Spinarak I’m sorry..You guys return” Ace walked down stairs to see Clara ready to head out to poke school.
    “Finally your awake let’s go!’ she grabbed Ace by the arm and pulled him all the way to the school they entered the class room of a hefty man just as he was explaining battle strategies.
    “Ok you see class: fire beats grass, but water beats fire, however grass beats water” it didn’t take long before ace had fell asleep Clara bumped him causing him to awaken. The teacher continued this time speaking about Poke balls.
    “Poke balls are used to catch Pokémon, up to six Pokémon is carried at any given time; people who battle and raise Pokémon are called trainers.
    Ace had long been asleep making himself comfortable he straddled his leg across the chair and placed his hands in his pants. Clara pushed him on the floor, as the impact awakened him. “Geez what did you do that for!” She whispered Pay attention; Ace got up and sat in his seat again.
    “A healthy Pokémon maybe hard to capture so weaken it using a status Problem”
    Ace raised his hand, “uh what’s a status problem?’ The teacher Looked at Ace and then explained
    “A status problem is when the condition of a Pokémon is changed I.E: poisoned Burned, frozen, or paralyzed”
    “Don’t forget sleep!” Clara yelled out.
    “Pokémon trainers seek others to engage in battle, battles are constantly raged everywhere. The ultimate goal is to beat 8 gym leaders and enter the Pokémon league! Now doesn’t anyone want to battle me first?”
    Ace and Clara raised their hands; the teacher had seen what Clara was capable of so he decided to go with Ace. The class exited the room and stood around the arena. “Ok Ace this will be a two on two Pokémon battle!”
    “Fine with me my first Pokémon is Spinarak!” Ace tossed his poke ball out the bug Pokémon landed in the center arena ready to battle.
    “A Spinarak Huh...Ok then I’ll choose my Hoothoot!” Ace looked shocked he had the type disadvantage.
    “Keep in Mind young man that if you beat me I’ll grant you one of the Pokémon I lost with!” This gave Ace the confidence he needed.
    “Spinarak use your Spider Web attack!” Spinarak jumped into the air and released a huge string of web that smacked into the face of Hoothoot. Ace jumped for joy but he knew hoothoot’s next attack would punish Spinarak.
    “Hoothoot use your aerial Ace now!” Hoothoot flew into the air and came down with a super effective strike on Spinarak. Spinarak fainted after the Blow leaving Ace with One Pokémon.
    “Go eevee!” eevee emerged from the Pokeball ready to battle it didn’t have much work to do because Spinarak had tried out Hoothoot already.
    “Eevee use your quick attack!” eevee sprinted towards Hoothoot knocking it out the air and out of the battle. Ace knew he had one more Pokémon to beat and he readied himself for it.
    “Go Arbok!” The menacing snake Pokémon emerged from the poke ball and shot a glare at eevee. This caused eevee to forfeit the fight.
    “Awh eevee you don’t want to fight…fine I won’t make you. My eevee doesn’t want to fight so I’ll throw in the towel.”
    The teacher walked over to ace and said to him “A good trainer knows when to forfeit”, he handed Ace the Pokeball that contained Hoothoot.
    As the day was coming to a close Ace and Clara walked back towards Clara’s Home until Ace heard a familiar Voice. “Juan?”
    “ACE! There you are I need your help, something in this town is making the Pokémon turn evil!” Clara pointed toward the Satellite; Ace looked into the sky and then said to Clara. “I guess I’ll be in town for one more day”
    Ace, Clara and Juan walked to Clara’s home to come up with a strategy, for they knew not of the danger that was ahead of them…
    I'm trying to clean up like an edit

  5. #5
    The Champion of Champions Champion ACE's Avatar
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    “Do you guys think they’ll just open the door and let us in?” Juan asked sarcastically.

    Ace knew he was right there was no way they were just going to be let inside.

    Finally Clara came up with a plan. Ace, Clara, and Juan ran down the road towards the huge building that read.

    “Edit. Co” Juan looked around the building and saw a vent that currently wasn’t blowing; Pulling Ace who also pulled Clara; Juan ran towards the vent.

    “Go Nidoran! Use your tackle attack!” with that the vent broke and the kids snuck inside the building, Juan looked around the corner to see if he could see anyone, the coast was clear.

    Ace, Juan, and Clara tip toed through the pearl white halls listening to the sound of their own feet chatter.

    Juan stopped ace and Clara he could hear the sound of some men and women chit chatting.

    Ace had turned around and began sweating, in a frantic, he extended his arm and notified Clara; who then got Juan’s attention.

    Juan turned back and looked at his friends only to see them captured by a man with piercing red eyes.

    “Ace, Clara!” Juan yelled. However Ace was able to break free from the Grasp of the men, Clara was able to hear more men coming so thinking of her friends she told them to run, gritting his teeth Ace ran promising to come back for her.

    The man threw Clara in a cell stripping her of her Pokémon. Ace and Juan were able to escape however they went outside where the Growlithe and the Officer Jennies were ready to Raid the place.
    “Officer Jenny! They took our friend hostage!” Jenny gave a nod and the whole unit ran into the building.

    Ace looked up on top of the hill and saw a van carrying a news crew. “Behind me lies the normally peaceful town of Sunny stone city. But these stones have suddenly been invaded by a group of individuals known as OPERATION ORBIT” Officials are baffled by how this city was taken over under their noses.We have reason to believe a Young girl named Clara has been captured inside we’ll keep you posted” Ace had waited outside long enough he finally charged back into the building. Once inside he saw a battle between the Jenny Battalion and the Members of Orbit.

    They had used a series of Koffing and Weezings and knocked most of the Jennies Pokémon out. “Ace I’ll help them you go and find Clara!” Ace ran down the Halls until he heard a gigantic Explosion. Ace covered his face and looked back. Turning towards the gaping whole Ace saw a Figure’s silhouette in the fire. “

    You kids have crossed me...Be sure that it is your final time” the man appeared to walk into the fire until he vanished.

    Ace ran around the corner towards the cell where Clara was being held. Ace could smell the smog and soot, and ash from the smoke coming near. “I choose you Eevee! Use your tackle attack” eevee hit the gates but it seemingly didn’t work. Ace could hear Clara Coughing but he couldn’t get to her. Ace finally came up with an Idea to relief Clara of the smoke.“Hoothoot use your defog attack!” and in one fell swoop the bird Pokémon knocked the smog back. “I choose you Chimchar use your flamethrower!” Ace turned around at the sound of another trainer.

    The flames hit the bar causing them to heat up.“Now Go Squirtle!” uses your water gun attack!” The water cooled the bars which prompted ace to make eevee try a takedown attack on the bars which caused them to break,“Thanks ACE!” Clara screamed. Ace looked for the mysterious trainer but he couldn’t find them anywhere.“Clara, Ace let’s get out of here!” Juan said running up to them. No sooner then they exited the building caught afire and came down.

    “Thanks for saving my life Ace, and Juan” Ace looked at Clara cheerful but his mind wonderer back to the trainer who had helped them out.After returning from the hospital and the Pokémon center Officer Jenny told them that the signal that was turning Pokémon evil had been destroyed.“Good job Ace” Juan said as he headed down the road that would lead him to aquaris city. Ace waved good bye he then turned to Clara.

    “Well Clara I guess this is good bye” ace said as he turned towards the route. “ACE! I’m coming with you!” Ace turned to see Clara running towards him.“I’m going to follow you Ace; I think we could learn from each other” ace nodded his head and they continued towards cobblestone city.“Were finally here!!! Cobblestone City the site of my first epic region gym battle!”


    Ace went to the Pokémon Center to heal his Pokémon. He and Clara made a fast dash over to the cobble stone City Pokémon gym.Ace opened the huge door and a veil of black fog covered their face. Ace once again used his newly acquired Hoothoot to blow the smoke away.

    When the smog retreated a huge ravine was exposed.“HOLY CRAP! We have to cross that small bridge” as they made their way across Clara made a statement that shocked ace.“I’ll battle the Gym Leader first, and then you can battle, ok?” Ace didn’t know she was capturing gym badges but he shook his head as they walked up towards the gym leader.

    The tall man looked down at them and began to grimace. “I’m the Cobblestone Gym leader Thomas; I am a master of poison Pokémon.

    Now which one of you are the challengers!” Ace and Clara raised their hands and the gym leader smiled.“Since there are two challengers we’ll battle two on two!” Thomas motioned to his sister to come in which she did she smiled and then began explaining the rules.

    “This will be a 6 on 6 Pokémon battles each trainer will be allowed only 3 Pokémon, when the trainer is ready to engage the active trainer must call tag.”The official ref came into the area he had two flags and raised them in the Air.

    “The first battle will be between the Gym leader Thomas and Clara from Sunny stone City….GO!”Clara pulled a Pokeball from her belt and then tossed her Pokeball out. “I chose you Natu!” the small bird Pokémon emerged from the ball ready to battle. Thomas tossed his Pokeball out next.“Go Ekans!” The snake Pokémon was also ready to battle.

    “Ekans use your Acid attack!” the snake Pokémon spit some chemicals at Natu. “Hey Natu Dodge it!” The small Pokémon jumped out the way “Now Natu uses your Psybeam attack!” the attack sped across the battle arena creating small crack in the arena.“Dig Ekans!” the snake Pokémon dug underground ready to strike. “Natu use Future Sight!!!!” Clara screamed with anticipation.

    The bird Pokémon’s eyes began to flash white until nothing happen. Thomas looked little Weird out but he commanded Ekans to attack! Ekans came out of the ground with its mouth open. “Teleport Natu!” The bird Pokémon disappeared and then reappeared on the other side of the gym.Clara turned around to Ace and yelled Tag

    .“Go eevee!” the small Pokémon jumped from the Pokeball, “eevee Tackle attack!” the small brown Pokémon hit Ekans dead on making it faint. “Good Job eevee!” Thomas’s sister was up next “Go Koffing!”“Koffing use your smog attack” the gym became pitch black, “eevee be on guard.” “Now Koffing use your tackle attack!”Koffing was able to maneuver through the smog and hit eevee dead on. The force from the tackle caused eevee to faint.

    However at the same time the future sight hit Koffing causing it to faint. Ace turned around to Clara and threw up his thumb.Thomas Stepped back up to the Plate, “Go Crogunk!” Ace looked at the Crogunk with disgust but then decided to act on it. “Go Spinarak!” The Pokémon emerged from the Pokeball and readied it’s self.“Crogunk use your poison jab attack!” it began to punch at Spinarak, “Spinarak use your web to jump into the air!”

    The spider vaulted into the air and then began to shoot its web at Crogunk slowing it down.“Now Spinarak Sucker Punch!” Spinarak landed on the ground and punched Crogunk right in its croak knocking it out.

    Thomas stepped up and yelled Tag.“Go Golbat!” his sister yelledAce yelled Tag and Clara jumped into Action“Magnamite Go! Use thunder!” Clara wasted no time in K’Oing Golbat.

    “Hey Ace they only have two Pokémon left let’s nail this thing!“Tag!” she yelled as Thomas and his last Pokémon stepped up to the plate. “Go Beedrill!” Clara looked back at Ace and Yelled Tag.“Go! Hoothoot” The Pokémon began shuddering with anticipation “Hoothoot use your Gust attack!” The bird Pokémon began creating a huge tornado of wind and sand, “Beedrill use your twin needle attack” the bug Pokémon flew directly into the sand causing it to faint.Thomas was knocked out of the battle, Ace high fived Clara and called tag for her to finish them off.

    “Go Magnamite!” she tossed out again. Thomas’s sister tossed out a Dustox. “Magnamite use Thunder”“Dustox use Protect now!” The Protect nullified the thunder attack keeping Dustox safe. “Magnamite use Thunder wave now!” The wave hit Dustox causing it to be paralyzed.“Magnamite finish this thunder!” The huge lighting wave came from the sky and hit Dustox dead on for a super effective hit.“The winners of this match and the battle Ace and Clara!” Ace gave a fist pump as he and Clara were awarded with their badges. No sooner than the badge touched his hand he was ready to get his next.
    “Ace your Pokémon are hurt let’s spend some time in Cobblestone city” Ace agreed They entered the Pokémon center and handed nurse joy there Pokémon. That night Ace and Clara slept awaiting the challenges of a new day.
    I'm trying to clean up like an edit

  6. #6
    やつぱり一番 だいすき , Shinji-kun ShinjiLover's Avatar
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    Ace knew he was right there was no way they were just going to be let inside.
    Ace knew he was right, there was no way they . . ..

    Finally Clara came up with a plan.
    Finally, Clara came up with . . ..

    Ace, Clara, and Juan ran down the road towards the huge building that read.

    “Edit. Co” Juan looked around the building and saw a vent that currently wasn’t blowing; Pulling Ace who also pulled Clara; Juan ran towards the vent.
    Why are these two paragraphs separated? What you pretty much just said was the building read. And that Juan just said "Edit. Co". Next, time it should be more like this: ". . . the building read "Edit Co."."

    “Go Nidoran! Use your tackle attack!” with that the vent broke and the kids snuck inside the building, Juan looked around the corner to see if he could see anyone, the coast was clear.
    This is all wrong.
    "Go, Nidoran! Use your Tackle attack!" with that, the vent broke, allowing the kids to sneak inside. Juan cautiously looked around the corner to see if anyone was there. Luckily, the coast was clear.

    I'm stopping right there. This was just awful. . Completely atrocious. There is little to no description, the plot is non-existent, it's extremely clichéd, and the characters are boring. Oh so boring.

    Please, either develop your writing skills, or don't write at all. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but if I couldn't read your whole story, you obviously need a lot of work. Start a new paragraph when some talks, learn how to use a semicolon, pick better names, and capitalize proper nouns, which, yes, includes Pokémon attacks.

  7. #7
    The new old new guy? rival173's Avatar
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    wonderful wonderful simply wonderful

  8. #8
    princeso Kirby's Avatar
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    again

    WHO ARE YOU what do you just go around to ancient writing threads and rate them

    what is up with that

  9. #9
    The One and Only trixie's Avatar
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    He is the thread resurrector!
    Originally made by LM:


    ~ I have said nothing because there is nothing I can say that would describe how I feel as perfectly as you deserve it. -- Kyle Schmidt ~

    ~Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. -- Josh Billings ~

    * dragon_berry**Fallen_Wings*

  10. #10
    princeso Kirby's Avatar
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    NOO!

  11. #11
    The One and Only trixie's Avatar
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    Beware... he drags threads out of the grave and makes them rise again.
    Originally made by LM:


    ~ I have said nothing because there is nothing I can say that would describe how I feel as perfectly as you deserve it. -- Kyle Schmidt ~

    ~Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. -- Josh Billings ~

    * dragon_berry**Fallen_Wings*

  12. #12
    princeso Kirby's Avatar
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    we need to find the thread reaper to combat him

  13. #13
    The One and Only trixie's Avatar
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    The grimmest one you can find,and quick!
    Originally made by LM:


    ~ I have said nothing because there is nothing I can say that would describe how I feel as perfectly as you deserve it. -- Kyle Schmidt ~

    ~Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. -- Josh Billings ~

    * dragon_berry**Fallen_Wings*

  14. #14
    princeso Kirby's Avatar
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    ED!

  15. #15
    The One and Only trixie's Avatar
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    Ed,what's your plan?
    Originally made by LM:


    ~ I have said nothing because there is nothing I can say that would describe how I feel as perfectly as you deserve it. -- Kyle Schmidt ~

    ~Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. -- Josh Billings ~

    * dragon_berry**Fallen_Wings*

  16. #16
    The new old new guy? rival173's Avatar
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    the thread reflector must destroy

    Not the original,
    but a copy,
    a clone of the rival,
    I need some Coffee,
    In this life of survival,
    my brother has died,
    Even though my breath has sighed...


  17. #17
    The One and Only trixie's Avatar
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    Originally made by LM:


    ~ I have said nothing because there is nothing I can say that would describe how I feel as perfectly as you deserve it. -- Kyle Schmidt ~

    ~Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. -- Josh Billings ~

    * dragon_berry**Fallen_Wings*

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