For the past week my girlfriend has been breaking up with me on and off, usually just calling me back saying she's sorry and wants to get back together. We've had maybe 3 big fights in 9 months that were like this and it usually started because of her family or friends brainwashing her. Every time it happens I didn't get emotional or anything, I just said think about it and shit and then she calmed down and back to normal. I know how women get so I just took it at face value. So, back to this week, it's been really stressful for her and I have been there to support her. But when we talked she started ganging up on me and started saying things like, "You don't care about me, you don't do enough with me, why are we even together. blah blah blah." First off, I blow around 250 bucks on her a month and we see the latest movies all the time. So I don't know where she was getting that from when she said we don't do anything. She then said she's breaking up with me because, not that I curse AT her, which I don't, but because I curse AROUND her. I said if it bothers her that much I'll work on it. Then yesterday she brought it up again and I said the same thing because it's a hard habit to break and I will work on it. So she starts flipping out and I said call me back when she's calmed down. She doesn't call so I texted her today saying I was going to work, she texts back saying that we aren't together and she doesn't care.
Why does this matter you may ask? I'm writing this because, I'm not upset. Like, I feel a little empty but that's to be expected. I DO love her, but a wise women once told me that God made us capable of loving many people in our life. So, I'm not afraid anymore that I won't be able to love again nor am I afraid that I won't find another person to date. Guilt is a word that comes to my head because shouldn't I feel more pain? I guess I'm less of a youthful man that gets caught up in all this stuff like I used to when I was younger, because I know I did love her. It's just odd when comparing things in past experiences. I think when you are older and have dated more people and they leave your life, it hurts less because you know it's not the end. That's what I have learned at least.
So where does this leave me? If she wants to "work things out" I don't think I will concede to doing so. When she says "work things out" it's usually ME doing everything and her not. Because in her mind, I'm always wrong and she's always a saint. Listen people their are four, FOUR "bad" things about me that COULD make a women mad about:
I curse A LOT.
And I yell when I argue.
I don't lie, cheat, hit or anything crazy. Just those four things.
In either case I have TRIED, VERY HARD, to compromise and make her feel like I'm not a douche, I even went to a youth group with her to make her happy! But no matter what I do it's never good enough for her---I don't deserve that, nor do I think she does either. Maybe we aren't meant to be together and that this relationship has run it's course.
I'm not bitter, angry or even sad. It feels weird when a chapter ends in life, but everything in life revolves around hellos and goodbyes---for in the end, we all will go to the same place.
So, I don't want to date for a while, and I don't mean I'm fucking everything with two legs either! haha I think if I was to "date" again, I'd say I don't want the words "forever", "always", "married", "kids" or even "love" in the relationship. Care is a good word because there is no indefinite commitment. Lets face it, do you really think you're going to be with the same person forever and be HAPPY as well until you have a life of your own, with a real job and all? I don't think so is all, and I think people should enjoy friends and family more and worry less about who is the "one."
Have FUN people, I know I will.
There's a song I think all you young kids should listen too, I like the idea it implements. I wish I did this when I was younger to be honest.
I propose we support a one month limit on going steady,
I think It will keep people more able to deal with weird situations,
And get to know more people,
I think if you're ready to go out with Johnny,
Now's the time to tell him about your one month limit,
He wont mind he'll appreciate your fresh look on dating,
And once you've dated someone else you can date him again.
Just my thoughts is all. Thanks for reading.