my paternal grandmother lives with us in a house since we moved here in 94. She was with us in our old apartment as well but I was too young to remember those days in detail. So now I pay the price. My grandmother is 70+ in years, she has everything a woman of her age could wish for: a comfortable place for living, wealthy food meals and people around her, yet she is still an ungrateful old hag who does nothing of importance in this home or anything which contributes to someone else other than her lazy ass.

her day consists of... hmm let me see, oh yeah NOT A DAMN THING. She gets up early in the morning, 6h-7h, and like all old people of this planet annoys you by constantly opening and shutting doors, peeking into your room and walking along the squeeky floors so you can't sleep like a man. Somewhere between 9 and 10h she visits the local grocery store and buys a bread and occasionally one package of yoguhrt with money my father (her son) leaves her. From 10h or so until 13h she resides next to the window in an adequate sofa drinking coffee and doing crosswords, like all inevitably irritating old people do. When clock strikes 13h she goes upstairs in her room and rots in there for the rest of the day watching lightweight, generic and overall pointless Spanish soap operas with cry-baby men, incest all over the place, car crashes (which could have possibly been the only good thing these pussies ever did if SOMEONE ACTUALLY DIED FOR A CHANGE, how the hell do the frail and easily breakable infants always crawl out of a scorching car and breathe through smoke and all sorts of gas before the car explodes and a random Mexican taking a hike at 1:30h in the morning picks them up and discovers he is related to the survivour?), pregnant women dragging like zombies without medical stuff monitoring them escaping out of madhouses and other bullshit events nobody in the world under 70 years of age gives a fuck about. At the evening she'll stop by the bathroom to wash her teeth and then bail out for the night.

despite the ridicilous amount of free time she has every single day, grandmother never helps around the house whatever the reason is. Holidays, birthday, relatives coming to visit any random celebration, you name it, she'll give her best to avoid everything that involves her getting out of her sofa and on her dumb ass to do something remotely productive or helpful. I hate all the Serbian celebrations since the scenario never shifts: relatives, friends, people you don't really like but invite them because it's TRADITION arrive at the host's house and instantly point their rears in the direction of a giant dining table and eat more than Americans devour on thanksgiving day. At times like this the inactive gray-haired bastard always settles herself on a couch and supervises everything and everyone, while my parents make all sorts of meat for guests to choke on, set up tables, clean the house and other activites I participate in as well. When the company barges heaven forbid she stands up and offers them something to drink. It's much more convenient to remain in a sitting position with a shit-eating grin on your face eyeing people who pass you by and do absolutely nothing. An hour later she always goes to the small kitchen table, no one resides there, and eat what she can find. Way to go, boycott your stupid family, read newspapers while they prepare everything then screw them over even more by gobbling shit they bought and made while you watched television.

what I hate about her is that she preserves money to the point where it gets frustrating. It's unreasonable. I mentioned she's in charge of daily supplies because she wakes up early and it's natural she goes to the market, but there's a catch. She buys the very minimum which includes: a bread, one pack of yoghurt (for her). The money spent on these everyday products is given to her by my father, the amount she squanders on everyday goods is about 40%, she puts the rest of it in her pockets. She even goes as far as stealing from her own home. When my parents were out of town they left a certain amount of money for me, my sister and grandmother to live with, and it was more than enough for our needs. They were away for a month so they left us (I'm converting to dollars so you can understand) with somewhere around $50. During one day, when the grandmother went to the market, she took with her 17$ and returned with nothing. One bread costs $0.5, milk revolves around $0.3, 1kg of tomatoes = $1.7 and two packs of yoghurt she purchased equaled $0.6, which means she wasted only $3.1, where are the 14 dollars? IN HER WALLET. She kept going this way and we got the point where we ran out of the money parents left us with so we had to take more which was unplanned, when we told them that we did they were surprised how much money we spent. Way to go you old deceptive scumbag. Worst part is that she kept saying how prices are too high and she spent the money on products fair and square. When I try to point out it's senseless for stuff of that sort to cost that much and she couldn't lay out $50 in less than a month, I'm told to respect my grandmother because she's old. "It was different in her time, she's old, she forgets a lot of stuff, she's old, in the past they did it like that, blah blah she's old blahhb". I know that and I hate old people. She actually has her own money and savings, her pension and what she manages to sneak under the radar. We all live under one roof and she isolates "HER" money from "OUR" money. Here's a fun fact: SHE DOESN'T NEED ANY MONEY. Only time she decides to cling onto her wallet is when she takes a haircut. Which makes her even more annoying to look at. And that doesn't go over $3, so in 3 months she spends 3 dollars but in her wallet at any time she has over $15. And the worst thing: my parents borrow money from her and then GIVE IT BACK. Why do they do that? She doesn't spend her own money and it would pay off much more if she put her stupid savings on "our" pile. One day I was sick, caught some flu, and could barely stand, naturaly I asked her since no one else was home, to go get some oranges in a store across the street. She returned with two mandarinas (smaller and cheaper than oranges). When I told her that isn't the fruit I asked her to buy, she replied "Oh I thought that was the same". Recap: I'm under medication, can barely stand on my feet for a minute until I get dizzy, I ask her to do me a favour which wouldn't take her more than 2 minutes and she fucks me over because she's a lazy, selfish, money preserving old hag who looks only after her ass. If I wasn't sick I swear I'd drop kick her down the stairs.

even the very few "tasks" she has in this home can't be fulfiled. Both of my parents work and my sister doesn't live with us, so it's up to the old one to cook something for lunch. I don't get it, she has nothing to do all day and still offers half-ass effort when cooking/frying/roasting something. The problem is she only makes these 3 meals:

1. chicken. Lousy frozen small cheap chicken she finds in a shitty store. If it was a chicken as a whole it would make the situation a little brighter, but she only purchases the legs and wings. So when this is on menu my "lunch" consists of two wings, two legs and some shoddy, half-made potateos, I can't live off of that I'm not a cat. Reasons why she often goes for chicken: low-priced, a nearby supply place.

2.pork chops. Now this is some quality stuff and I ravage all kinds of meat, but I can't consume same food every other day. What's worse is she only acquires one piece when she goes shopping. Reasons why she fixes upon pork chops: it's a bargain, the fact it doesn't take her too much to buy and prepare one item which means she has 15 minutes more for deterioration in front of tv.

3. cabbage. Cooked and sweetened plant. It looks so unpleasent and unappetizing when she makes it. I come home expecting to eat my ass off from some tough food which I have to engage into a wrestling match with, crunch and devestate with my jaw and something that will fight back and punch me in the throat but instead I'm welcomed by a wimpy looking sappy, runny clutter of overlaying reformed weed. Big fucking deal, I can't outlast by ingesting that boiled seedling, regardless if I swallow one or five plates of that it won't satisfy my hunger. Reasons why she frequently assemble this mess: she likes it.

it bugs me when she complains about her life. For example she'll finish throwing together that monstrosity of a cabbage and sit down on a piece of furniture while mumbling to herself "Oh dear god...", "Oooohh, mmmhhhrrrgggh" at the end she'll let out a huge sigh as if she just did 10 push ups with a midget on her back instead of cooking a plant. Her arranging of a lunch looks like this: go downstairs, take a few more steps to the kitchen, take the cabbage and put it in a hot water, go back upstairs and watch a political debate, after several hours lower yourself by one level again and take the plant off of the appliance. You need guts to pull a stunt of this caliber. When she's in a call with some senior and popped a question "How are you? How do you cope with life" or something similar, she always sighs before the response which is something along the lines of "Oh I don't know, it's bad, I uh... *sigh* I'm trying to relax myself a bit I don't know this weather is terrible...". Woman who asked her that question lives in a modest apartment with five more people squeezed in three rooms, has her intestines tied into a knot every time she absorbs something as greasy as meat and she had an operation on heart and abdominal surgery. I don't get it why a woman like my grand mother, who lives in a house with 3 more people seperated on two floors, has her own room, television, can eat everything with the exception of sugar and is overall a healthy person, never had surgeries nor major problems with her vital organs, wails about her "uncomfortable" sitaution to another pensioner. I hear her blubber about her bones, her old shattery unsubstantial skeleton. If you tried having any sort of activity that doesn't involve you decomposing in front of a television set, taking a walk outside lasting longer than 10 minutes a day or doing exercies doctor prescribed you maybe your bone structure wouldn't be as fragile and vulnerable as it is now.

and she's full of nasty, annoying habbits. She would locate herself in a chair diagonal of mine and stare at me while I read, kick ass at some GBA game, eat or talk to someone. I loathe, hate, detest, despise someone mutely watching me, it's very unnerving. I raise my view from Dragon Warrior to look at her because I feel it, and I realise she's gazing at me with a shallow smile. I'm ferocious. In a humorless, businesslike voice I ask her why the hell is she eyeing me, usually my parents are present when I get pissed off at her, she tells me "What, am I not allowed to watch you?", at this point I'm mental, insane and completely infuriated I get out of the sofa while I'm bombarded by father's question "Why does it bother you?" and leave so I don't powerbomb her through the kitchen table. Now my father's a cool guy really, but stuff that pisses me off he considers pointless and my reactions are often uncalled for to him and that way it always turns out I'm inconsiderately attacking my grand mother. So since I'm a teenager and she is an old woman, she triumphs in those cases. I feel nervous and lose my concentration when someone watches me, whether I eat, read, sit in front of a computer or watch television. She also tends to lie down on a couch in the living room, from there she can monitor my every move and let me know if I forgot anything (and if I haven't it makes me forget something), if I have too much clothes on me since it's sunny outside, if I have less clothes on than I should because it's cold outside (because I'm incapable of opening a window or stepping outside to judge for myself). I had several clashes with her where I openly told her I don't her to make me food or watch me and I mentioned couple of stuff I don't want her to do, but when I'm gone she bitches about me and my actions to her son. She instinctively reshapes the story and adapts it to her needs, while talking innocently and making a victim of herself while I end up as an antagonist because she is old and I'm presented as a mood swinging teen.

my grand mother has a wonderful life for a women of 70+ years, she is healthy and functions normally, she has people around her in case she needs something, she has a spacious home with decent food and cable television, acceptable community with several grocery stores and a bakery very close to our house, some friends and a couple of sister she can chat and waste time with but still she is a greedy, selfish, self-absorbed moron.

next time she makes me 1/3 of a chicken, that brewed limp plant, one slice of a shitty pork chop for lunch, eagles eyes me while I kill zombies via gaming device, blabbers about the weather or tells me I forgot my keys I'm applying an ankle lock on her, if she taps out I'm going for an arm lock on the arm she tapped out with to let her know I mean business.