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Thread: A New Adventure.

  1. #1
    Beginning Trainer
    Join Date
    May 2011

    Default A New Adventure.

    Chapter One: Saying Goodbye.

    The alarm clock buzzed as loud as it could. It instantly sent me up into the air. I rolled out of bed, and slammed into the ground.
    "Ouch." I said to myself.
    I got off the ground, and started to rub my head. I saw that it was the crack of dawn, the same time I always get up in the morning. This wasn't like any other day though. Today, I turned ten. The best age there is for a Pokemon Trainer.
    "Today's the day!" I exclaimed.
    I had been waiting my whole life for this moment. The day that I become a Pokemon Trainer. My father was one, and so was my mother. My brothers and sisters are trainers. I am the youngest of eight. All my siblings are around the world, each one in a different region. Some of them are going on the road together. I was the last one in our generation of the family to go on a journey. I lived in Nuvema Town, where the Pokemon Lab is for Professor Juniper.
    "Better get to the lab." I muttered.
    I went down the stairs, and my parents weren't down there. My father worked for Professor Juniper, and my mother was out of town in Undella Bay. She was helping out with a diving adventure. People thought there was some Pokemon down there that we don't know about. I went out the door, and my house was right next to the lab. I would easily have my first Pokemon by lunch. I already knew what I was going to get. There was Tepig, Oshawott, and Snivy. They were Fire, Water, and Grass types respectively. I started walking, then jogging, then sprinting. I wanted to get my first Pokemon as soon as I could. I got to the door, and I saw that it was huge. I was use to seeing it, and I was in it most of my time. My father worked for the Professor, so he gave me some information every now and then about what is going on with the Professor.
    "Here I go!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.
    I walked in, and saw that my father was working with the Professor in the corner. I waved to him, until he noticed. It took a few minutes, but he did finally see me. I walked up to me, and he was wearing his white lab jacket.
    "Hello, Josh." He said to me.
    "Hi!" I replied to him.
    "I guess that you are hear for your starter Pokemon?" He asked me.
    "Yes! I can't wait to get started!" I yelled.
    He gestured me over to Professor Juniper.
    "Professor! I am here for my Pokemon!" I shouted at her.
    "No need to be so loud Josh. I have three Pokemon for you to choose from." She replied back, while moving her hands to three Pokemon.
    "I want Tepig!" I shouted.
    She nodded to me, while grabbing the center one. She handed it to me, then gave me a nod.
    "There are some things I need to give you." My father said to me.
    He handed me a device that looked like a watch mixed with a television.
    "Xtransciever. You can talk to your mother and I." He explained to me.
    "Also, take these." Professor Juniper Said.
    They were five Pokeballs, and some Potions of my Pokemon got tired. She handed me one more thing, and it was my trainer card.
    "I have signed you up for the Pokemon League." My father finished saying.
    I nodded to him one more time, while moving my hand down to my father's. I gave him a firm handshake, along with Professor Juniper.
    "Well, this is goodbye. For now. I might meet you somewhere down the road." He stated.
    I nodded to him, then turned on a heel. I started to head towards the door. I made it outside in a matter of seconds. I looked one more time at my house, then at the lab. This was it. I was about to be a trainer, taking my first steps down Route One. My father gave me a Townmap, so I knew where I was going. I was headed towards Accumula Town. The Battle Club is located there, so I could have a few could battles. I walked to the start of Route One. It was a narrow road, that didn't look like it would take that far to get to Accumula Town. It must of been only ten or twenty minutes of a run. About thirty minutes of a walk. I would be there by noon today. I waved goodbye to my town one more time.
    "Goodbye Nuvema Town." I said to it.

  2. #2
    The One and Only Trixie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    In your dreams.


    Quote Originally Posted by Pokeio View Post
    . I got to the door, and I saw that it was huge. I was use to seeing it, and I was in it most of my time.

    If you were in it most of the time, why would you be suddenly seeing how huge it was? you should be used to it by now.

    She replied back, while moving her hands to three Pokemon.
    "She replied"
    Also, "moving her hands to three pokemon" doesn't make any sense. Try "indicating three pokeballs on the table" or some other phrase.

    It must of been only ten or twenty minutes of a run. About thirty minutes of a walk.

    Must HAVE been. And the whole sentence isn't structured very well- you could think of better ways to say it.

    There are a few other syntactical and grammatical mistakes like these- I haven't quoted each one.

    Still, apart from that, it's a promising start Keep writing.
    Originally made by LM:

    ~ I have said nothing because there is nothing I can say that would describe how I feel as perfectly as you deserve it. -- Kyle Schmidt ~

    ~Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. -- Josh Billings ~

    * dragon_berry**Fallen_Wings*

  3. #3
    Beginning Trainer
    Join Date
    Apr 2011


    i love it reminds me of family guy

  4. #4
    I'm too sexy for my shirt Kryzoz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Panet urth


    Can't say I haven't seen 100 stories start like this, hopefully your story turns out to be unique.

    I would suggest that you change the sentence structure of most of your story; having too many choppy sentences disrupts the flow.

    Happy writing,

    I'm bringing sexy forward

  5. #5
    supafly Nanaki's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006


    Comic sans

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