The Conquering Axe Of Ketchum The Barbarian

[Nidogod]

From its apex, the harsh sun beat down on the Rusted Desert beneath. Fogs of sad danced across the dunes in the dry wind. And through it all, for the third day straight, strode a figure in a tattered, hooded cloak and what used to be leather sandals. The tracks behind him led from the north east and the Lava Ridge settlements where his angry pursuers gave up chase on the first day. Only a mad fool would south into desert on foot and his death with be far worse at nature's hand then their swords.

But Ketchum was not dead. Exhausted and overheated, yes, but a lifetime of nomadic wandering left him with enough endurance to have far outlasted the expectations of the marauders he left behind.

At his hip hung his bearded axe, an empty water pouch and a purse fat with copper coins; all of which he would have traded for a sip and morsel of anything. On his shoulder, beneath the hood, rode his equally parched and exhausted familiar; a Pikachu. Only begrudgingly had it accepted to ride in relative comfort while his master suffered after trotting along his feet for the first two days.

Ketchum's eyes were always on the horizon. He had glanced a map before his exile and determined that the path with fewest obstacles, relatively of course, lay toward Petal Fort City in the south west. It's massive, distinct walls would surely stand out even amid the tricks this desert played on his eyes. As the sun began to hang low in the sky, something came into view.

Ketchum knew that if it were another rocky outcropping, he might veer off course and waste more time an energy but it was a risk worth taking. sPurred
on by hope, he quickened his pace toward the more and more distinguished looking shapes of the walls. From above, the city's walls were shaped like 6 flower petals, giving it it's name. Closer now, Ketchum could see the figures of people and beasts moving to and fro along simple roads and a large entry point. Closer still, he could make out massive doors swung inward and four guardsmen, each armed with a halberd and Houndoom.

His feet now bare, he staggered through the gate amid a few other travelers without a second look from the guards. The sun now set and torches lit over the roads, Ketchum caught the air of celebration as he instinctively walked straight to the nearest cantina. As he walked in and up to the bar, he pulled his purse off of his belt and emptied all the contents before the now attentive bar wench.

"Food and drink for me and my friend." he demanded in a dry and clear voice, indicating the exhausted Pikachu on his shoulder. The wench gathered all the copper pieces before her customer could rethink his generosity.

"Right away, sirs." she smiled before turning to order whatever the standard meal was. Ketchum was not the first starving wastrel she had seen blow in from the desert but he had the most the coin to burn. She quickly gave them a wooden goblet and bowl filled with water. Pikachu dismounted his shoulder to lap up his share as Ketchum practically inhaled his and demanded another.

Five drinks later, he switched to asking for wine and inquired about the celebratory atmosPhere he noticed in and out of the establishment and the music he heard outside. Tomorrow, the wench told him, Princess Mayve would leave for Slate Port to wed their prince. The city was holding a carnival to celebrate their future together.

Ketchum's curiosity was satiated now that the served him up an oven roasted Farfetch'd on a platter. He ripped off a wing for Pikachu and both tore into their meals like a ravenous pair of Growlithe. He would not have given any more thought to the princess nor the festivities had not a somber fellow sitting an arm's length away and sipping on a jug of ale mused aloud.

"Yes, farewell dear princess..." he sPoke and drank. "...and good bye to my chance at retiring young!"

The wench rolled her eyes. "What's wrong, Bucz? Has your latest criminal endeavour gone under like all your others?"

"Shut yer trap, Cassiode!" he snapped. "All the pieces were in place this time...and then my so-called 'master thief' had to get caught pocketing fruits at the market place this morning!"

"Is that who they executed this afternoon?" she asked.

"Aye. Good King Normandy has lost all sense of leniency with the thieves of this city. And it's a damned shame too because by tomorrow morning, I could have acquired--"

"Princess Mayve's ruby encrusted headdress. Yes, I know. For a supposed criminal mastermind you share far too much with me."

"I had a buyer lined up, I had the floor plans, I knew where the guards would be stationed, I--everything. All I needed, by Hell, all I WOULD need is--"

"A thief." Ketchum summed up, between bites.

"A great thief, actually." Bucz reflected before sipping more ale.

"How much would you have payed him?" Ketchum inquired, eyes down on his meal.

"500 gold pieces. Up front. Why the curiosity?"

Ketchum smiled wryly. He had only just narrowly survived death at Mother Nature's hands and now with his belly filling up, he flirted with the idea of cheating death again.

[Qoorl]

Well its about time, my genre smash up thirst has gone unquenched since 300 Dalmations

[Nidogod]

I'll still totally finish that some day.

[Henri]

This is good shit.

*waits patiently for more*

[Qoorl]

Henri, go read some of his older stuff like 300 dalmations or pokemon zombies

[Nidogod]

I've considered finishing or just completely revamping Zombies. Anyhoo, I'll put chapter 2 up tonight

[Henri]

Henri, go read some of his older stuff like 300 dalmations or pokemon zombies

Just finished doing this and they are great; 300 was just all around hilarious and PokéZombies rocks.
Did the fic inspire the dress-up or vise versa?

Alas! I am a bit worse for the wear though for I am now anxiously awaiting the next installment.

[trixie]

Nido, didn't you do pokemon parodies of songs at one time?

[Nidogod]

"Did the fic inspire the dress-up or vise versa?"

Yeah, pretty much. Marvel Zombies came out that year and I thought,'Damn, I better get on this bandwagon!' lol And zombie Pokemon Trainer is a pretty simple ensemble to throw together

"Nido, didn't you do pokemon parodies of songs at one time?"

Yup. Still do sometimes, I just don't really write 'em down. Though if I ever work out all the lyrics "Like A Steelix" you'll see 'em here first

Anyway, I'm gonna try to write chap 2 now that I have some time to myself...

[Nidogod]

Ketchum listened to Bucz's plan as he finished his meal. All the details were committed to memory and anything that wasn't clear would be improvised on the fly. Ketchum was no stranger to thievery; His people were feared raiders to caravans traveling across the Palletrian borderlands and one of the rites of passage each boy must undertake before reaching manhood was stealing the sword of a Viridirman warrior of the northern territory. In his year abroad, Ketchum was given quite a few jobs because of these skills.

Now, however he was exhausted. The wench he had overpaid so generously offered him lodgings for the night in a small loft over the establishment. Inside was a cot next to an open window through which the lights and sound of celebration flowed in. He would not get much sleep that night, nor did he plan to. Without hesitation, the youth and his pet collapsed onto the cot and fell instantly asleep.

The moon had barely risen to it's high point when Ketchum rose again. He stretched for a few moments and then proceeded to rip and tear and tie at his tattered cloak, making it more form fitting. His axe harness, he hung across his back. He had no sPecific tools for stealing aside from a few pins in his belt which he practiced picking locks with months ago. The only other thing he would bring was his 6-weighted bolas snare, tucked in behind his hip.

Rather than making his way back down and out into the street, Ketchum grabbed the window ledge and sPun his body up to the roof. It was good to use these muscles again after walking for three days. His childhood was sPent climbing trees, scaling cliff faces and riding Tauros bareback. At the age when most civilized children stop frequenting playgrounds, he only grew stronger and faster for the wild hill country of Palletria was his playground.

With Pikachu ready and limber at his feet, the young barbarian proceeded to run along the beams and ledges of the closely knit rooftops. The two ran towards the walls of the palace ahead, unencumbered by the crowds and obstacles in the streets below, nor did anyone bother to look up and see them. Before long, they reached the nearest rooftop the the palace wall. It lay a good thirty feet away and the top of the wall itself rose fifteen feet higher than the roof on which they stood.

Ketchum looked around and noticed a banner hanging from a nearby building and across the road to the next. The only people below were were wassailing drunkards. With a firm grip, Ketchum wrenched the banner from its peg on the opposite rooftop and pulled it over to his without anyone noticing. He then stripped the banner of it's ropes, tied them together and handed one end, now a noose, to Pikachu. With his teeth and forepaws, Pikachu held the noose as Kethum lifted him overhead.

With a mighty cast, Pikachu was hurled across the sPace and landed with remarkable precision atop the wall. He climbed down to the other side and, as he did many times before, found a sturdy object to drape the noose over. Ketchum waited until finally, Pikachu stood atop the wall and sParked his red cheeks twice. That was their signal.

With his tight grip Ketchum swung down across, and upon contact with the marble wall at his feet, climbed the rope with almost superhuman sPeed. When he reached the top, he surveyed the courtyard and towers within. In the distance, he saw one night watchman facing away. His body language indicated he was tired from disuse and likely wished he could celebrate outside with everyone else. Ketchum could have doubtless strolled casually behind him for minutes before being noticed but remained stealthy regardless.

The walls outside might have been marble the towers themselves were hewn from carved and weathered stone. Portions of it seemed to retain cracks left behind by siege weapons. This made them easier to climb.

Ketchum and Pikachu made their way around the trees and decorations, walls and half asleep watchmen with more ease than the former thought this mission would entail. Finally they reached what must have been, according to Bucz's directions anyhow, the Treasure Tower. The ruby headdress, along with other treasures and artifacts were stored in the top floor just below the parapet. The rooms below were the chambers of the princess. Around the base were stationed 4 guards.

With a gesture, Ketchum sent Pikachu off to be a distraction. As Pikachu knocked over an ornate vase with a lightening bolt in the tall grass and all the guards looked over, Ketchum ran between the two on the opposite side as their attention was drawn away. With scarce any sound, he climbed the wall with his hands and feet. One of the guards closest to the commotion went over to look and saw Pikachu run away.

"False alarm, boys. A Pikachu got in somehow. Probably a runaway from the carnival."

The four men back a their stations continued to chat casually for a bit as, above their heads, a thieving young barbarian scaled the tower and passed between the princess' balcony and one of her windows. He heard soft weeping inside but gave it no more than a moment's thought. He was on a mission and royals have nothing to cry about. When he finally reached the top of the wall, the parapet overhead posed the first real challenge as it jutted out a good three feet from all around the wall.

Using every bit of strength and dexterity in his fingers and toes, he focused his grip on the slightest cracks and gaps he could sink them into. The bearded axe on his back felt as though it were getting ever heavier. Finally, when he was in the most awkward position and the strongest grip he could muster, his free hand swiftly grabbed his axe and swung it overhead to the top of the parapet's balcony. Hooking it as firmly as he could he scrambled up inside and was greeted by the sight of his Pikachu, already long up there, licking his nether region next to an unconsious watchman stationed up there.

Ketchum quickly bound and gagged the fellow while noticing a trap door in the middle of the parapet he no doubt used to get up to his post. Naturally it was unlocked. Ketchum opened it and silently descended the sPiraling staircase beneath. A single torch lit the room and illuminated many an ornate chest, priceless works of art, weapons of fallen enemies and treasures on disPlay. Upon a shelf with wooden heads were stationed many crowns, tiaras and headdresses, including sure enough, one encrusted with rubies and gold. Ketchum wrapped it up in a silk cloth and stuffed it behind his back.

He saw a heavy wooden door set in the flat wall, outside of which a guard would surely be stationed and opted instead to try and escape, more or less, by the path he had taken to get in. The two went back up the stairs, saw the man still unconscious, and wrapped the noose they previous used around one of the parapets outcroppings. Ketchum then lowered Pikachu on the other end of the rope until it hung fifteen feet or so above the ground. Pikachu jumped off and Ketchum yanked the rope quickly back up.

The four guards were surprised to see the little creature having fallen right in front of them. One looked up but saw nobody nor any hastily retracted rope above. Pikachu adorably rolled on its back and chittered on playfully. The guards couldn't but huddle in to take a look. One quick thundershock later and the four men clad in iron arms were all out like a light.

Ketchum realized somebody might have heard the noise so he descended more swiftly. As he passed again between the window balcony he heard the sobs of the princess grow louder and her footsteps approaching. She must have heard! Should she look down and see the stunned guards--or worse, him-- she would call out and have every able man in the palace after him.

Ketchum knew there was likely no way he could silence the princess fast enough without killing her.

To be continued.

[Nidogod]

Thought I'd throw in some illustrations...

[Seymour]

Nido delivers. Much love, bruh.

[trixie]

[Nidogod]

Gracias. I'll try and get chapter 3 up tonight

[Nidogod]

Princess Mayv tossed and turned restlessly in her silken blankets that night. It was neither the hotter nights of the season, nor the music and merriment outside the palace walls that kept her awake, but a heavy heart. Never before had she given so much thought to her past and future, nor did either look so grim. She had sPent her childhood dreaming of her future and now that it was on her doorstep, she sought comfort in formerly fond memories that retrosPect told her were hollow and meaningless.

She had been kept all her life. Before, she thought this to mean pampered but only now did she see herself for what she truly was; a pawn. And what more, her oldest and most loyal friend had been removed from her life forever. It was only natural that she had sPent the whole night crying. The tears and sobs, though, alleviated no pain. There was but one way to take control and end her suffering.

In the scant sleeping garment that loosely draped about her lithe torso, Mayv arose and walked to her balcony. Her pet Skitty looked up at her from its cushion across the room and went back to sleep. The wind carried to her ears, the songs of joy sung in her honor but it was joy that she herself would never know. Tomorrow, she would be given away to wed a monster.

As she stepped upon the polished marble guardrail and gazed up at the moon and stars, a thieving young barbarian clung to the underside of the balcony and prayed to his god Zekrom that she would not look down and see strewn about forms of her unconscious guards below.

"Don't look down, Mayv..." she softly reassured herself and unwittingly the barbarian who had never known his god to be so expedient. "This is the first real decision you have ever made for yourself. If it is also your last, then so be it." She then closed her eyes and prayed. "Take me, O Rayquaza...and fly my soul to the heavens. I need no kingdom but yours..."

With that, Princess Mayv of Petal Fort took a step off of her balcony and into eternity. Or so she thought but no sooner did she began to fall did then the sensation of ropes swiftly tying themselves to her bare legs alert her that something was amiss. A sudden yank was the last sensation she felt before completely blacking out.

Just as suddenly was she rudely awakened by a sPlash of cool water to her face and chest. Her head was in great pain but Mayv's first thought was of steely-eyed young man standing before her. In one hand was the goblet she kept at her bedside and in the other, a large sheathed axe he held as a walking stick. Between them, the body of a demigod. The princess did not know how long she stared but it slowly dawned on her that she was tied up on her bed.

"Do not kill yourself." said the stranger. "Get married and have lots of stupid royal babies."

Mayv did not know what to ask him as he turned to leave but the first thing she could ask was "Why did you stop me?"

He paused. He did not know himself. In his memory, he saw the girl falling before him in slow motion and his free hand involuntarily grasP the bolas behind his hip and fling all but one ball in his hand at her. Once they wrapped about her legs, the princess swung below him and her head slammed against the tower wall. It was a miracle they both didn't fall right then but somehow he mustered up the strength to carry her back up into the balcony and drop her on the bed. At that point he could have taken back his bolas and left the dumb suicidal royal to die peacefully of a concussion but, Zekrom help him, he could not leave a girl to die.

With that he shrugged shoulders and took another step away.

"If you try to leave now, I'll scream." protested the princess but not a moment later was the axe unsheathed and placed behind her neck. Mayv marvelled at his reflexes.

"I have saved your life twice this night against my better judgement. Truly now I should have no qualms against taking it."

"Then I can have no worthier executioner than thee." she agreed. "But please, stay with me."

"You are mad." he re-sheathed his axe-head.

"Nay, this is but the most random and unorthodox thing that has ever transPired in these walls. Please understand, sir...?"

"I am Ketchum." he begrudgingly introduced himself. "And that is my Pikachu." he indicated from across the room his pet which mounted and vigorously mated with Mayv's Skitty.

Mayv's eyes lit up. "Most outrageous! Hast thou come to ravish me as well!?"

Ketchum had learned two things in his travels: royals are out of touch with reality and women are insane. This princess' reaction should really not have confused him all this much. "Hold still." he instructed as he grabbed one of the balls of his bolas. With a sudden yank she sPun around twice and fell off her bed, now untied. She laughed with a tinge of madness at the fun of it all as she stood back up. "Art thou here to kidnap me? To offer me succor from my unsavory betrothal? Art thou--"

"Woman--" he began as he finished recoiling his bolas, "Princess. I am sorry you are not looking forward to marrying what I can only guess is your already inbred uncle in a neighboring kingdom. In fact, when next I'll see orphans, widows, cripples or beaten slaves, I'll tell them of your tale so that they will know how good their lives truly are."

Mayv's tone than changed to a more serious one. "My fiance cripples slaves, widows and orphans for sPort. He is said to bathe in the blood of virgins to remain youthful and he only smiles when inflicting cruelty upon another life. I have that to look forward to for the rest of my life." Ketchum stood frozen. He took pity on the girl before but only now did he begin to feel sympathy. "I apologize if thou mistook my levity for madness. However, you have sPared me from death twice this night and doomed me to a lifetime with this man. I was merely...well...trying to enjoy myself this final night."

"Apologies." Ketchum replied. "Could I take you from this place I would but...the sun will be up in just over an hour's time. I cannot be here when it does."

"You've not come to assassinate nor kidnap me." Mayv mused. "That would makest thou a thief, would it not?" Ketchum's expression tightened and he felt the treasure packed against his back bulge out more. Mayv sensed it and cracked a smile. "No worries. Taketh whatever thy please. It matters naught to me anymore. Am I not a commodity to be traded betwixt families as well? A vessel for royal bloodlines? They could not even have left me with the one friend and loving influence I've grown up with; my dearest Blaziken. He is locked up, Ketchum, in the dungeons. If I never saw him again, I should be happy at least to know that he were set free."

"Then I will free him."

"From the dungeons?"

"Aye. If it is as simple a task as stealing this Ruby Headdress was, it shouldn't be much trouble."

"Is that what you've taken?" the Princess said smiling coyly and rising up to this bold stranger. "Thou art truly a remarkable fellow, sir Ketchum. It is lamentable that we could not have met under happier circumstances. If you must leave so swiftly though, I would request--nay, as a princess, I would demand you take something else."

"Oh?"

Princess Mayv lunged at this intruder she had but known for mere moments and yet made her life seem all that much more worth living and planted hot, soft kisses on his lips. Ketchum knew the girl was emotionally unbalanced and he knew that time was of the essence if he were to escape the palace grounds with his prize before everyone awoke but Zekrom help him, he was only a young man.

To be continued...

[Henri]

Hahaha I loved the part you threw in with pikachu and skitty. Hardcore! lol

This stuff is really great-

All hail Nidogod!1! [/fanboy]

[Nidogod]

Thanks Yeah, Pikachu will fuck or kill pretty much anyone in this story LOL Sorry if the ending felt a bit rushed, this is all a first draft ^_^;

[Henri]

Oh yea? There's an expanded sex scene version in the works? :p

[Henri]

Also............... Charizard.

[trixie]

Do continue!

[Nidogod]

[trixie]

"Gazing up at the moon and stars..."

[Nidogod]

She's, uh, got eyes in the back of her head? LOL Yeah, my backgrounds tend to be shite. ^_^;

[Nidogod]

From the moment her night gown was ripped off of her nubile figure, Mayv's sense of time stood still and her every sensation was one of ecstacy. How long she had been in the passionate throes of this tresPasser, she could not say but when it ended, it faded like a dream does.

Ketchum stared up at the ornately designed ceiling. He intended to get up and leave several times already but the truth was that his body was still tired from traversing the desert for the past few days and he had put off sleeping a good night's rest for just as long. Now he was in danger because he knew that the longer he stayed, the less likely his escape. Ketchum felt soft fingertips land on his cheek.

"What are these?" Mayv inquired about the zagging symbols tattooed beneath his eyes.

"The mark of Zekrom, god of my people." He then turned his face to look at hers. Their eyes were now acclimated to the light of the moon and stars shining in. His were dark and inescapable, hers reflected an azure glow. His skin was tanned, scarred and animated by long honed musculature while hers was lightly bronzed and smooth from a lifetime of pampering. His coal-black hair was grown out and only his bangs were cut so as to not obfuscate his vision while her long, dirty blond locks flowed straight down and into her shoulders.

"I should like to hear more about you and your god...and your people." Mayv admitted before his hand moved to cover her lips.

"Silence." Ketchum demanded, wide-eyed. The guards outside her tower had stirred, his keen ears told him, and wasted no time in sending the most able in and up the stairs. "Lugia's fucking cock..." Ketchum swore as he rose. At the foot of his bed, amid the tatters of his former camouflage, Ketchum picked up his axe and the wrapped headdress.

Before Ketchum could tell Mayv not to allow the guards inside, two had already swung in the unlocked door with the beginning of a desPerate explanation on their tongues. Both had seen the thief standing naked beside the bed of their outraged princess.

The first one to point his halberd at Ketchum received a bolt of lightening courtesy of the Pikachu on the other side of the room and fell to the floor. The second guard immediately threw his at the Pikachu on the throw pillow only to miss and accidentally impale her majesty's Skitty. This guard recieved the back end of Ketchum's sheathed axe swung into his face with a force that knocked him back out of the room.

Pikachu hopped onto his master's shoulders. Everyone heard the sound of the other two guards coming up the stairs shouting to sound the alarm and others rushing in from an adjoining hallway that connected the tower to the rest of the palace. Ketchum ran to the balcony with Mayv behind him. He considered taking her hostage but that would only be a waiting game for him to slip up his guard. Across the courtyard, he saw other guards rush atop the walls and towers. It was then that a mad plan had crossed Ketchum's mind.

The young barbarian tied the cloth containing the headdress to hang at his waist and climbed the rail Mayv had not so long ago. "What are you doing!?" she demanded.

"Leaving this place." he replied. "Live well, princess."

With that Ketchum held his axe above his head and lunged himself from the balcony just as half a dozen guards rushed onto it. As he descended forward, the beard of his axe caught on one of the thicker branches of the nearest tree and briefly halted his fall. Only briefly though as the inertia wrenched it from his grip and he and Pikachu fell to the ground. Momentarily afterwards, the axe too fell and landed behind them. As Ketchum reached for it, an arrow pierced his arm.

Ketchum looked up to see Princess Mayv strike angrily and scold at one of her palace archers on the balcony with her. Ketchum would remove the arrow later, for now he took his axe and ran into the thick bushed and shrubbery after Pikachu. No sooner, though, then he felt he was out of sight did his vision blur and cold sweat run down all his pores. He took a moment to carefully remove the arrow from his skin and muscles; It's head was a grooved needle.

"Poison..." was his last word before slipping out of consciousness.

[trixie]

She's, uh, got eyes in the back of her head? LOL Yeah, my backgrounds tend to be shite. ^_^;

Hahaha, it's okay

Hmm... wonder if Mayv will have him brought back?