what am i doing with my life
what am i doing with my life
i guess this is my periodic existential crisis
you know i dont really 'talk' to people much. in the sense that i dont really give a shit about the lives of 99% of the people i know and i dont suspect that they give a shit about mine so while in conversation i never venture past mindless chatter. but recently ive realised that my lack of intimate conversations have been making me quite lonely.
i do feel like talking about stuff to people more. not just bullshit because i can talk about bullshit anytime, but something more meaningful. something that matters more than movies or tv shows or technology or whatever. i want to talk about more HUMAN things if that makes any sense whatsoever. but thats hard just start doing. you cant just call up a random person or open a new chat window and begin a philosophical conversation.
i had such a conversation with LORD of all people just a few days ago because there was no one else i felt i could approach.
over the past week or so ive become apathetic about a lot of things i really used to care about. i used to like reading tech blogs and sites of the like but whenever i go there now i just feel disgusted my the materialism and obnoxiousness of the people on there. i was really excited about college about a month ago but i dont even think about it now. its like its too far in the future for me to care about. i have a housing application to submit. i need to apply for a visa. and though my parents have been bugging me to do this for weeks i just cant bring myself to give enough of a shit to do it. i thought id accomplish so much when the holidays began but right after my exams ended all the enthusiasm ended. the books i bought to read lie in mint condition in my cupboard. the unfinished bit of code i was writing for an online course i was taking lies somewhere on my hard drive, unopened for weeks. for weeks ive been lazying around, sleeping for a majority of the day and just fucking around in front of the computer the remainder of my waking ours while every single one of my peers have been engaging themselves in something or the other.
maybe you are legitimately depressed, it is actually a medical condition sometimes. i dont know how things are CULTURALLY over there but have you considered going on meds. not saying you SHOULD just sayings its something to think about.
this is quite possibly the single worst thread ive ever made
submitted for the record
I currently have two friends who do this to spend time. I'm usually the socially awkward third leg that isn't as good with philosophical debate in real time, but it's just interesting to be around such people. We once watched Source Code and then spent three hours afterwords discussing the time travel aspect of movie. Mostly delved into quantum theory, in how every time he went back he created a different universe, and how most of the plot had, well 'plot holes' that didn't quite work with quantum physics and that the technology they supposedly used to achieve time travel wasn't quite explained without some "deal with it, it's a movie" type deal. One friend argued that since the main character was in a coma, the whole movie could've been a simulation or maybe even an advanced AI system that relied on his brain for ultra complex algorithms. The other friend argued that if it was indeed a simulation, then it would be akin to a lucid dream to where the train exploded because he wanted it to happen, and he only solved the case because he allowed to evidence to show itself.
I enjoy spending time with them.
the only guy i can have conversations like that with is in another country. heh.
It helps that we mostly talk online. One of them is currently in New Mexico and thus we used Steam to communicate.
those hormones man, what can you do
If there was a bottom 10 for western medical practices, rampant prescription of SSRIs would be in there, along with shock therapy, thalidomide, and blood letting.
God probably thinks Psychiatry is a "hard science".