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Thread: Bob

  1. #1
    Defenestration is imminent pichubro's Avatar
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    Default Bob

    This was first written by me on the old PD; May 30th, 2006, Enjoy this old classic.


    One day, a man named Bob decided to go for a walk. And he walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, an-

    Bob: "Just get on with it!"

    Fine! So, after rude Bob walked for three seconds, a cat jumped on his head and built a nest.

    Bod: "Awww! Look the cute, little, fuzzy-wuzzy thing!"

    Then a giant cheerleader fell from the sky and scared the cat away. This made Bob angry so he went to buy some donuts. But the giant cheerleader smashed Dunkin' Donuts and all its creamy goodness.

    <insert Darth Vader NOOOOOOOOOOOO! here>

    While sobbing in front o- *World goes dark*

    .... I told Mr. G to change the lightbulb before I started this thing! *mumbles*

    So anyway, after I learned how to install a lightbulb, Bob decided to swim across the ocean. Which one? Well, if I told you, Bob would make a fit. Then he'll throw up. Then I'll have to clean it up. Too much drama.

    Half-way across, Bob gets eaten by a shark. Inside it was Hitler. (Who knew!) Then Bob went back in time, shot Hitler, and had a cheeseburger.

    While Bob was eating his taco, h-

    Bob: "I thought I was eating a cheeseburger!"

    ... No. You were eating a taco.

    Bob: "No I wasn't!"

    Yes you were. Now sit down, this story is not about you.

    Bob: "Wait. But it-"

    *Puts the bat behind the TV* We're sorry, but Bob has a sleeping disorder. He just falls asleep. Ehehe...

    Anyway, Bob's clone was standing outside the white house when the British attacked. He and the annoying bird that was crapping on his head died of heart attacks. (And because they were shot, but I'd rather not say where.)

    Then a giant waffle the size of Colorado fell on Africa and the Africans were saved from starvation... Until they melted.

    Then some idiot hired a clown at Bob's birthday party. Too bad Bob was asleep, they would've made a great couple together. But Mr. G threw a brick at the clown's head and it froze in ice.

    As Bob was still in La-la land, Big Bill decided to have a drunk party around Bob. It was fine until the Nazis started hitting on the Jews. That was not a pretty sight. Thank god that a meteor suddenly crashed into the house before some loving started. Everyone else just danced around Bob until a bear ate them. Big Bill survived long enough to have a last beer and some pot before he drowned on vomit.

    The giant cheerleader was feeling depressed so she went to find some cute guys. Unfortunately, she was on Lesbo Island, so she cried until she died. Then all the lesbians died because the giant cheerleader was their God.

    Suddenly, Mr. Moo had a baby- Oops. Wrong story.

    When Bob woke up, he was surround by evil, blood-sucking gerbils, which, by the way, were drunk. Fortunately for Bob, the gerbils thought he tasted disgusting and he fell into a deep, dark abyss.

    Bob: "Hey! That's not what happened!"

    Oh yeah... Sorry. Right before the the gerbils attacked Bob, Luke Skywalker came from behind the rose-berry bush.

    "Bob!"

    "Luke!"

    Then there is a slow-motion scene where Bob and Luke run up to each other, hug, and run off in the sunset. Then the page ripped to the side.

    "That's not what happened!"

    Okay! Here's the real story. After the party, Bob decided to go for a walk when he came across a door. His hand slowly reached for it when it was shot off.

    Bob: "Ow!"

    Muffin Man: You shouldn't open the door. That's where we keep Them. *shudders*

    Bob: "Whats 'them'?"

    Muffin Man: "Sure you wanna know?"

    *Bob nods*

    Muffin Man: "Ok...don't say I didn't warn you..." *opens door*

    Bob: "What the.."

    *Thousands of Midget Hilters are swarming all over the floor of the room* Yes, there's a room back there.

    *One of the Midget Hilters hops onto Bob's sleeve*

    Midget Hitler: "Hewwo!" *stares at Bob with big Chibi-anime eyes*

    Bob: "AAAAHHHHH! GETITOFFAME!"

    *20 Midget Hitlers hop onto Bob's legs*

    Bob: "AAHHHH! NOOOO I CAN'T MOVE! TOO...MANY...MIDGETS!"

    *Bob gets engulfed in a mountain of Hiters*

    A little later, a giant ant lifted Bob onto its back and they flew to New York. But they flew into flying milkshakes and crashed in Las Vegas. Then Mr. G got crazy and spent their life-savings on the slots, which cheated so Mr. G didn't win anything and everyone had to live off of pizza; then the ant died because it couldn't eat pizza. After mourning over the ant's death, Bob ate it, and it was soon forgotten.

    All of a sudden, the roof caved in and Bob died.


    Haha. Just kidding. He did get a big boo-boo though. Bob dug to China to get ice for his boo-boo, but the Chinese were on their coffee break, so Bob had to wait half an hour. During that half-hour, the Muffin Man found a Hooker, but the Chinese stole her 5 minutes later.

    Pretty soon Bob was getting tired of waiting so he skipped down the street to Chucky Cheese's, but the giant Rat scared him so much that he passed out.

    Later, like 5 minutes later, Bob woke up with kids jumping on him.

    "Bouncy! Bouncy!"

    Bob pulled the kids off, but he had to live with one since it was stuck to him with a slice of pizza. Bob looked for a exit, but 10 annoying midgets blocked the front door, so Bob went to the back to find a back door. Unfortunately, that rat showed up. I gave him my bet as he yelled, "I AM A RAT! THIS IS MY BAT! PERISH!"

    Bob: "Hey! How come you gave the rat a bat?"

    Because it rhymes and the story would've been boring otherwise. Now shut up and follow the script.

    Bob: "What script?!"

    ...

    Bob: "......"

    So anyway, the rat rose the bat when a dog started biting him. Bob ran out of the Chucky Cheese's and fell off a cliff.

    Zzzzzzz.... Huh? What? ... Where was I? ... Oh yeah!

    So Bob was falling, and falling, and falling, an-

    Bob: "You better not start that again!"

    So after an hour of falling, Bob grabbed his sniper and shot a bird; It fell into a lake while Bob was posting on PD. Then God shot him for being a Jew and pichubro hit him with a hammer and Bob became sad.

    Then he became angry because pichubro double posted (<---- this made since back in the 2006 version)

    So after searching though the wonders of the Internet, Bob decided to go on another walk. Suddenly, a bear came out of the woods and ate all of the Muffin Man's muffins. Mr. G killed the bear and an Indian boy ran up to them and started dancing. Bob joined him. After the dance the Indian boy caught on fire and evaporated.

    Then, Bob started walking again and ended up in a hair salon. (these things happen) A Chinese lady grabbed his arm and sat him down.

    "Would you like a shave, thin cut, or a dumpling!" she asked.

    "DUMPLING! KWEE!" screamed Bob. The lady slapped his hand. "NO DUMPLING FOR YOU!"

    Bob began crying, until a baseball came flying through the air, hitting him on the head. "OWWW!" he screamed.

    The Chinese lady began to brush his hair. "Deez this hawr is very loong..."

    "I'm sorry, what?" Bob asked, unable to comprehend what the lady said.

    The woman looked up, and had red eyes, pale skin, and very long black hair. "SEVEN DAYS!" she screeched. "Whaaaa?"

    "SEVEN DAYS!"

    "What thuuuh---"

    "SEVEN DAYS!"

    "OKAY, GEEZ, I FRIGGIN GET IT! SEVEN FREAKIN DAYS! SO WHAT!"

    The woman smiled. "I'm sorry, sir, did I just turn psycho on you?"

    "Yeah, but that's alri----WHAAAAAAAAAA!" Bob yelled.

    All of his hair had been cut off but the pizza kid was still on.

    "Muuugggaaa!" It yelled

    "GET OFF!" Bob screamed but the pizza had permanent sauce. "Crap."

    "Hair goes great with pizza." A random person said behind Bob.

    "Who the hell are you?" Bob asked, confused.

    "HOW SHOULD I KNOW!" The person replied.

    (Bob: O.O;; ) "Uh... okay... But what you do to my hair!?" The woman that cut it off, turned into an apple, so Bob put her into a bucket. "GET OWT OF MAI HAWR SALON!"

    "Whaa..?"

    "OWT!" The apple pushed Bob out onto the street. A car was coming.

    "Oh <insert word of choice here>!" Bob yelled. "I'm too lazy to move!"

    Then, he died! Wait a second...

    Right before Bob was hit by the car, the Disembodied voice form disembodiment called out to Bob and said, "OH NOES!!111 YOU'RE GOING TO GET HIT BY A TRUCK!!11 YOU'RE SOO PWNED!"

    Then the disembodied voice found some popcorn under the sofa and started eating it. Then the disembodied voice started to practice for the extreme sport of breathing.

    Bob: "Okay. This story gets weirder and weirder. Since when was breathing an extreme sport?"

    Muffin Man: "Uh.... Since breathing was invented? How am I supposed to know?!"

    Mr. G: "ME LIKEY TREE-FLING-SWING-DING!"

    Not-bob: "WHOOHOO! I LOVE BEING DRUNK!"

    Bob: "WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?!"

    Not-bob: "THROUGH THE DOOR LIKE EVERY NORMAL PERSON!!! DUH!!!"

    Bob: "WHY IS YOUR NAME NOT-BOB?!"

    Not-bob: "BECAUSE I'M BEING ORIGINAL UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE!!! ALSO, I'M YOUR EVIL TWIN!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

    Bob: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!1111" *Throws up*

    Mr. G: "WHEE!!! CAPS ARE FUN!!!!"

    Mr. G: "WHY ARE WE SPEAKING IN CAPS!!!11"

    Not-bob: "BECAUSE IT'S FUN AND IT ANNOYS PEOPLE!!!11" ^_^

    Mr. G: "YES IT'S IS!!!11" (Note: This is based off some of kg and eve's ((sometimes Mex's too)) conversations way back when. )

    Mr. Teacher: "Mr. G you have bad gramer. That's an F for you. And you double-talked up there."

    Mr. G: "Well you can't spell grammar even when you're talking! Idiot!"

    Not-bob: "Hey, the caps are fixed.... And and caps' lock is gone..." >.> <.<

    Mr. Teacher: "Hehe." *Throws caps lock in the trash*

    Not-bob: "... But that's why they invented the Shift button!" ^_^

    *Suddenly everybody is run over by the car*

    Disembodied voice: "... That's means... All that happened in about 3 seconds...?"

    Not-bob: "Looks like it." ^_^

    Bob: "*Not-bob suddenly gets killed*."

    Stop writing the story Bob, this is MY story... For that you die.

    Bob: *dies suddenly*

  2. #2
    In a world... where a voice from the heavens tells you to CUT LOOSE. Octazooka's Avatar
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    What were you smoking, and how much, because I want in on it dammit.
    Paired with: Qoorl the Atomic Cowboy, Sasuke the Ninjassasin, Solly the Wise King, and Keke Le Cat

    [Virgin Pride:yes:]

  3. #3
    Defenestration is imminent pichubro's Avatar
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    It's called the Golden Age of PD. Things like this were common in those times.

  4. #4
    Pokemon Champion Mario The Black Knight's Avatar
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    HA HAH A HAH A HAH HA HA HA

    One of my favorite stories from the old days!

  5. #5
    Butts and boobies, cheaters and whores, you're a slut and a fan of all this and more... ThunderzLegacy's Avatar
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    ahhhhhh
    I remember this. One of my favorites too

    Reminds me: EM never did add to her crack-fic, you know
    [CENTER]
    [SIZE="1"]Pairs: The Blind Eye of Deception [DSX] | The Ninjassassin [Sasuke] | The Hadouken! [The Azn Party Boy]

  6. #6
    Leafeon Erikson Leafeon_2008's Avatar
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    I couldn't stop laughing!

    I love the dancing Pichu in your sig

  7. #7
    Defenestration is imminent pichubro's Avatar
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    Saving for future reference.

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