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Thread: Idiot's Guide to Idiots

  1. #1
    Who are you? Walrus's Avatar
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    Default Idiot's Guide to Idiots

    This was an article that appeared in my local newspaper. It's written by a guy named Jim Shea:

    To: Alpha Books
    Subject: proposal

    Dear Sir or Madam:
    I am a big fan of your "Complete Idiot's Guide" series of books. Whenever I tell people this, they always say the same thing: "Of course you are."

    The reason I'm writing is because I have an idea for a "Complete Idiot's Guide" book, which I think will be, at the very least, a best-seller and major motion picture. Below, I have completed the manuscript submission outline from your website.

    Description of the book: The book I have in mind would be a yellow paperback, have a lot of pages, maybe a few illustrations, and be about 9 by 6 inches. It would also be divided into chapters, have a photo of me somewhere (possibly holding a pipe), and maybe an index. The title of the book would be "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Idiots."
    Market overview: Let me try to answer your questions one at a time here:
    Q: Who will buy this book?
    A: Primarily idiots, and, of course, their parents.
    Q: Why?
    A: Because they're idiots.
    Q:What is the size of the market?
    A: Humongous.
    Q: Is it growing?
    A: When was the last time you drove on the highway?
    Q: Any demographic information on your target readers?
    A: You can't swing a dead cat these days without hitting an idiot.
    Competition for your book: Some other books that idiots might purchase as an alternative include books by athletes, books by politicians, and books by or about Donald Trump. In regard to how my book will offer a more appealing alternative, I would point out that "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Idiots" will focus more on the idiots most of us deal with every day, you know, like friends, family members, and the cable company.
    Outline of Content
    Chapter I We are surrounded by idiots.
    Chapter II How to identify an idiot.
    Chapter III Are you an idiot?
    Chapter IV Does it take an idiot to know an idiot?
    Chapter V What if an idiot doesn't know he's an idiot?
    Chapter VI The idiot's test.
    Chapter VII When idiots intermarry.
    Chapter VIII The care and feeding of idiots.
    Chapter IX What if there were no idiots?
    Chapter X Idiots Anonymous: There is hope.

    In closing, let me just say that if you are interested in pursuing an "Idiot's" book about idiots, I'm definitely the guy you want to be talking to. Have your people call my people.







    If this book was actually real, I'd buy it in a flash.

  2. #2
    Street Justice Hero Fullmetal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Dead Walrus View Post
    The reason I'm writing is because I have an idea for a "Complete Idiot's Guide" book, which I think will be, at the very least, a best-seller and major motion picture.
    this guy knows how to pitch a sale.

  3. #3
    Revolting Mex's Avatar
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    and a revolution!
    When the Devil is too busy
    And Death's a bit too much
    They call on me by name you see,
    For my special touch.

  4. #4
    Who are you? Walrus's Avatar
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    I'm bringing the article to school with me tomorrow, and I'm pasting it on my door IN BIG PRINT.

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