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Thread: Cleffa Catastrophe

  1. #1
    mickmon95
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    Exclamation When rivals collide.

    Narrator: Last we saw our heroes they were on their way to Cressil City and Lola's pokemon contest. Tody we find Lola preparing for the contest in the dressing room. Lola: Now with Cleffa I'll beat that two faced witch named Megg. Max is in the crowd cheering me on. Announcer: Our next contestant is Lola. Lola: Cleffa showtime! Use sweet kiss and follow it up with willow-o-wisp. Announcer: A beautiful barrage of hearts then a beautiful fire made tiny burnig hearts of beauty. Our next contestant is Megg. Megg: Go Seal use water pulse towards the ground and ice beam it! Announcer: Water pulse made a giant wave of water and freezing it made a beautiful flower of sparkling ice. Announcer: Our two finalists are Megg and Lola. Megg: Go Delcatty! Lola: Go Piplup! Use bubblebeam! POW! Megg: Use shadow ball. Lola: Use proctec and follow it up with bubblebeam! POW! Megg: Use hyper beam! Lola: Use reflect. WHAM! Announcer: Is she Delcatty out? Megg: Use recover! Now shadow ball! POW! LOLA: Use bubblebeam! POW! Megg: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOO!! Announcer: Igive the Cressil ribbon to Lola! Lola: Yay! Narrator: The next day. Max: Let's go I want to get to Iron Town as soon as possible. Lola: The next contest is in Meera Town!


    Next episode is Tournament Friends of Part 1.

  2. #2
    See ya later Kingdra's Avatar
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    Ok, I've been nice to you for a while but you don't seem to be taking my advice. I'm a good writer and I plan to be an author when I grow up so I know what I'm talking about. This is my last piece of advice to you. I'm giving you constrctive critism. Don't get mad at me
    1. Your stories have no depth to them. Develop them better and please make them longer.
    2. KEEP ALL OF YOUR STORIES IN ONE THREAD
    3. Don't make the stories purely about battle. People will begin to get bored
    4. Too much dialogue. Yes it's good, but you overdue it and plus you aren't even doing it right
    5. You don't need a narrartor. It's a stroy not a play
    6. My last peice of advice is that if you don't take my advice you will get flamed left and right on this forum. Take other people's advice as well. They are just speaking the truth. And if you don't take my advice and get mad at me, you'll have to deal with me. That's all I have to say

    Oh yeah. if you want an avatar go to your user cp and click n edit avatar. all you have to do is upload an image from the file on your computer.

  3. #3
    Welcome to Eternal Hell. How may me help you? Espeon's Fury's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kingdra View Post
    Ok, I've been nice to you for a while but you don't seem to be taking my advice. I'm a good writer and I plan to be an author when I grow up so I know what I'm talking about. This is my last piece of advice to you. I'm giving you constrctive critism. Don't get mad at me
    1. Your stories have no depth to them. Develop them better and please make them longer.
    2. KEEP ALL OF YOUR STORIES IN ONE THREAD
    3. Don't make the stories purely about battle. People will begin to get bored
    4. Too much dialogue. Yes it's good, but you overdue it and plus you aren't even doing it right
    5. You don't need a narrartor. It's a stroy not a play
    6. My last peice of advice is that if you don't take my advice you will get flamed left and right on this forum. Take other people's advice as well. They are just speaking the truth. And if you don't take my advice and get mad at me, you'll have to deal with me. That's all I have to say

    Oh yeah. if you want an avatar go to your user cp and click n edit avatar. all you have to do is upload an image from the file on your computer.
    Pairs: The LacemakerThe NiginatorTeresaHickyNinetails009KS Jr.YojimboGokuQoorl




    E.N.T.E.I.
    Hatches @ 2520
    Completed @ 2768

  4. #4
    Kill you? Little ol' moi? Ninetails 009's Avatar
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    Mickmon, I've stated expressively under the rules NOT to create more stories until your current one is out of probation. Don't push me anymore, I won't hesitate to restrict you from here, and I think everyone's going to give a big cheer.

    6 days left to reply to my PM about your stories, or every single one will be locked.

  5. #5
    See ya later Kingdra's Avatar
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    I think he's done

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