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Thread: Dash O'Pepper and the Spicy Egg

  1. #1
    Everyone is shitty and weird. Me? I'm normal and cool. Giant Squid's Avatar
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    Default Dash O'Pepper and the Spicy Egg

    One early sunday morn, a handsome chap by the name of Dash O'Pepper sat down to enjoy a delicious breakfast of a hardboiled egg and a piece of toast. Dash's sleek black hair was parted to the right side, which his father had always told him was the part of success.
    "There isn't a damn thing you can't do with a right part."
    The familiar memory echoed. But this was not about success, this was about breakfast.

    Dash sat in the chair facing the window across from the dining room table, outside a robin was regurgitating an earthworm into her spawns greedy, open maws.
    "It's time for my breakfast too."
    Dash thought cheerfully.
    "Let's see." He said to no one in particular.
    "What should I put on my egg? Ah pepper, that shall do quite splendidly."
    He purred. Dash, having grown up in a rich house had never had to pepper his own eggs. But since his father was arrested from embezzling from his steel manufacturing company and his mother was incarcerated for her resulting insanity, it appeared that Dash was going to have to fly solo for once.

    "Gee, I sure I get this right." He chirped.
    Dash filled a nearby table spoon, one of the few pieces of silverware in the kitchen still made out of silver as his mother had cleverly hid it inside of her vagina when the rest was being repossessed, and poured it over the sickly pale membrane of the egg.
    "That should do quite nicely."
    He said in a voice that his fellow classmates had described as "faggy".

    Dash took a generous bite of the egg and immediately spit it out with enough force to hit the window across the table.
    "This tastes awful!" he exclaimed.
    Dash wondered what he had done wrong. He thought back to what he did.
    "Let's see...I tried to light the stove but no gas would come out so I just held it over a lighter I found next to a dead raccoon on the walk home from school. Theres nothing wrong with that. Of course!"
    He said as if he had stumbled upon the greatest discovery of his preteen years.
    "I put on too much pepper!"
    And indeed Dash did put too much pepper on the egg he cooked over a crack heads lighter.
    "I will just wipe it off."
    Dash did and took another bite.
    "Delicious!"

    Unfortunately Dash was unable to finish his egg as he was forcefully
    extracted from his house by social services in a struggle that ended with him naked and crying hunched up against the bathroom wall. He spent all his childhood years in an orphanage until he was kicked out on his 18th birthday and went on to become the finest bum in downtown Eggville. Everyday he parted his hair to the right side, hoping that his fathers prophecy would come true.
    "I just want to feel the warmth of a loving family again." He would tell himself.
    "Today is the day I find them."
    Everyday he repeated this mantra.

    After years of living on the street Dash caught pneumonia. He lied in his newspaper bed shivering in the cold.
    "T-t-today is the day...the day that I find them."
    He struggled to push these words past the prison of his mouth.
    "T-t-this is the day."
    He said for the last time. His last breath leaked from his swollen and cracked lips, forever frozen in a hopeful smile.

  2. #2
    I can see your Coo-ka! Teresa's Avatar
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    ......All I can say is.....wtf??

  3. #3
    Everyone is shitty and weird. Me? I'm normal and cool. Giant Squid's Avatar
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    Adam told me to.

  4. #4
    Street Justice Hero Fullmetal's Avatar
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    hahahahaha great! much love for following through.

  5. #5
    supafly Nanaki's Avatar
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    damn that pneumonia
    -.---.----..

  6. #6
    Street Justice Hero Fullmetal's Avatar
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    i didn't think he would make it so depressing but meh.

  7. #7
    Everyone is shitty and weird. Me? I'm normal and cool. Giant Squid's Avatar
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    I decided to make it a drag halfway through.

  8. #8
    captain of the ship kg's Avatar
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    now i really want eggs

  9. #9
    Butts and boobies, cheaters and whores, you're a slut and a fan of all this and more... ThunderzLegacy's Avatar
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    What the hell.

    I'm hungry now. Thanks a million, Squid.
    [CENTER]
    [SIZE="1"]Pairs: The Blind Eye of Deception [DSX] | The Ninjassassin [Sasuke] | The Hadouken! [The Azn Party Boy]

  10. #10
    To all the girls that wanna join my tribe, just move to my rhythm and feel my vibe Echolalia's Avatar
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    I never knew why this thread didn't get more attention
    Quote Originally Posted by Octazooka View Post
    globs of wet snow raining on me

  11. #11
    Pokemon Champion Mario The Black Knight's Avatar
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    Because it sucks.

    I'm suprised it got this much attention

  12. #12
    This pic is definitely of me!! Solly's Avatar
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    I prefer salt on my eggs.

  13. #13
    To all the girls that wanna join my tribe, just move to my rhythm and feel my vibe Echolalia's Avatar
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    I loved this thread so much and I don't know why I never commented
    Quote Originally Posted by Octazooka View Post
    globs of wet snow raining on me

  14. #14
    KING OF THE UNIVERSE Goku_king_anime's Avatar
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    What the hell is going on? Some one give me the run down

  15. #15
    This pic is definitely of me!! Solly's Avatar
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    Too bad the end was so depressing.

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